On Wanting to Share (and Being Afraid To)

I’ve been doing awareness practices (Circling, T-group, IFS) for 3 years.  Spending this much time tracking my internal processes has changed me. I notice my parts. I name my emotions. I feel my impulses. I slow down enough to see what’s actually happening inside.

When I share about these internal explorations 1:1, people often tell me it helps them understand their own experiences more clearly.

The responses I’ve received have me wanting to share with a broader audience, but there’s so many reasons why it’s difficult. First of all, it’s vulnerable.  I don’t know how it’ll be received.  I don’t know if you’ll care and there’s also a fear of being misunderstood.

Then there’s so much I want to share about my process that it’s difficult collecting my thoughts and putting them down on paper in a way that flows and makes sense.  The impulse is to just make a video where I could just do a little rambling instead.

Fear of rejection and a desire for perfectionism are what’s keeping me from sharing more on Substack...  What if the way through isn’t to overcome these parts… but to welcome them?

What if writing isn’t about getting rid of fear, but letting fear be here while I write? I guess that’s what I’m doing here now.

My original intention today was to share about my explorations with rage. But as I sat down, this is what was actually present — the desire to write, and the fear of doing it imperfectly.

So I’m naming that instead.

Maybe I’ll have to name these parts a few more times before I reveal more.

That’s okay.

It’s all okay.

If you’ve ever found it helpful when someone names what’s happening inside them in real time, I hope this serves you.

And if something here resonates, I’d love to know:

•   What part shows up when you want to share something vulnerable?

•   What keeps you from publishing the thing?

More soon — including the rage piece.