CISOs, this one is for you. I wrote it because the gap between what CISOs can do technically and what they can prove defensibly is wider than it has ever been, and the industry keeps handing you better tools instead of a better argument. It is funny because it has to be. The alternative is a very long cry in a server room, and none of us have time for that. Read it. Send it to your board if they have a sense of humor. Leave it on your auditor's chair with no explanation. Dog-ear the page about the hair in your food. Everything is fine. Probably.