I think the feminist issue here has little to do with the clothes and bodies, and a lot to do the word “flattering” having been co-opted for marketing and manipulation purposes. We are all pushing back a notion of what looks good on us being imposed from the outside, rather than, as you beautifully describe, tracking how it makes us feel and present ourselves. I have friends who finally wear their correct size in middle age because they were able to shed the shame of visible curves. I have friends refuse to even try a style because “that’s for tall people”. We all carry a lot of baggage about dressing that goes beyond the male gaze. The way you present your own hard-won understanding of dressing really helps!