1000 posts feels like it should be a big milestone. Yes, much of this is pulling forward work from other blogs and bits dating back to my first blog in 2008, but it still feels like it should be something.

Instead, I will use it to tell you that I am tired. I am so so so so so so so so so tired of trying things, having them work for a bit, and then sputter. I’m tired of plotting and scheming, of making plans that do little more than tell me what not to do.

I make about $30k/mo in revenue across all my companies.

Sounds great, but this is revenue, not profit. This year I’m -$30k in the hole. My companies have made $160k this year and I have made -$30k from them.

I’m tired of not feeling like I can stop things.

I can’t stop audience growth now because if I do, I might not ever start it again. I will just become a bitter husk, so I have to keep going, and try to figure it out as I go.

I can’t stop releasing books because I made them and spent a bunch of money on them, so I have to keep going.

I’m tired of having my companies step all over each other and feeling like there’s nothing I can do about it right now.

I am tired of generating revenue and not having anything to show for it at the end of the month.

I’m tired of doing so much free work with so little payoff in the end.

I really, really, really appreciate all of you, but I’m fucking tired, yo. Every time I recover from burnout, find a new level of burnout, like burnout inception.

Back in 2020, I made a four year plan, and I have exceeded even my wildest expectations of what I could accomplish. I checked every box, except for the fact that all my money and more gets spent every month. No matter what, that is still as true now as it was four years ago.

I honestly have no plan after December 2024 because I never thought I would not figure it out by then…

…and yet, I haven’t, which means I have seven months to figure it out before I fall off a cliff.

I’m tired of having options cut off from me because of chronic illness. Service based companies, like coaching, are closed off to me because I can’t be on the phone more than 1-2 hours a day, and no more than 6 hours a week.

I can’t do much service based work because I have about 3-4 hours of energy a day. I can’t build an agency b/c I don’t have the energy for onboarding calls or the energy to build out a team.

I know what could work, but I just…don’t have the ability to do it nor do I have the distance in my budget to hire people to do it. I tried that once this year and it cratered everything.

I’m tired of having great ideas, getting excited about it, and then realizing I’m trapped in a broken body that can’t do most of the things I want it to do.

I’m tired of looking at dwindling choices and I’m tired of new choices even existing that I feel the need to try.

I just fucking tired, yo.

The flywheel is easier to push today than it was when I got started in 2015, but I still have never figured out how to get ahead. I continue to build the track as I drive the train.

I’m not very comfortable sharing the messy bits without some lesson. I try to only give those bits once I have a solution. I have no solution to this, or I have many solutions for this, and all they do is show me what not to do.

I’ve been doing this work for almost 20 years and I’m just so fucking tired.