A few observations on what makes summer insidiously tough for neurodivergent caregivers, and/or caregivers with neurodivergent kids, and one thing that helps:

1) Fun things like the pool and the beach can also come with some not-so-fun sensory challenges. I.e.:

🌀Wet suit sticking to me in the car!

🌀Sandy feet that hurt when they rub against my shoes!

🌀Sunscreen, in general!

2) Summer can also come with some big executive functioning challenges related to the constant changes in individual routine and family schedules.

For me, a neurodivergent caregiver, this involves a constant mental narrative of thoughts like:

🌀Wait, what time is camp dropoff again? Why is it so hard for me to be on time for this?

🌀 How am I supposed to do the same amount of work when I have way less childcare than I usually have?

🌀Where did I put that f#@$ing sunscreen?!

3) The fact that there are significant challenges facing other caregivers in other places this summer, from ICE raids to starvation in G@za, can both add to the mental load for extra-empathic folks, while also making it harder for us to show ourselves self-compassion for our own struggles.

We might be barraged with thoughts like:

🌀 Who am I to complain about this?

🌀 I should just toughen up and not be so sensitive.

🌀 Other parents seem to be handling this just fine. Why can't I?

🌀 How am I supposed to fight back against the injustice I see when I can't even find the f@#$ing sunscreen?

4) As a result, I'm seeing more caregiver burnout this summer than I can recall since the summer of 2020, when we literally had to do and figure out everything ourselves, with no help from community. And the burnout seems more profound in families where at least one member, if not all, is neurodivergent.

When people are burned out, they feel both less happy and less effective, which becomes a vicious cycle and self-fulfilling prophecy; even the fun things on offer seem to feel less fun, the mistakes seem higher-stakes than they really are, and the really bad stuff out there seems even badder.

5) One saving grace: it’s not 2020, so we don't have to do everything ourselves this summer.

We can:

💞come together in community

💞share our struggles without fear of judgement

💞 reflect on which tools we might already have at our disposal to tend to our increasingly frayed nervous systems (and political systems) and

💞 give ourselves permission to simply exist in a neurodiversity affirming space.

💞 move into a mental space of “tend and befriend” instead of “fight/flight/be really mean to myself or others for no reason”

If this sounds good to you, we hope you can join us at our next donation-based caregiver circle, on August 5 at 10:30am EST, where we’ll dig into all of this together.

Here’s the link to get on the list:

Yours in the swirl,