Something that clicked for me in the past few years is the power of gravitating towards people whose natural, default way of being is congenial to you.

You can waste years cajoling & pressuring people to behave a certain way -- and agonizing over whether it’s fair or ethical to expect them to change -- and painstakingly explaining exactly what you want, because maybe they just don’t know how to do it --

or you can find people who are just already, automatically simpatico, and breathe a sigh of relief.

Also: if you go to the Club For People Who Love Engaging In Your Pet Peeve, and demand that everyone there give up your Pet Peeve, you’re kinda the asshole in that situation. Why are you even in the Pet Peeve Club?

(in 2022 or so I’d have said “because I don’t know how to get out!” my advice to past-me would now be “experiment more; you’re literally just bound by habit.”)

Also: practically every time I have found someone mildly unappealing, but told myself “that’s not fair, they did nothing wrong, they’re a perfectly fine person, probably a better person than you, don’t be so judgy!” there turned out to be some kind of barrier or problem with our relationship as we interacted more closely. Including and especially professional relationships.

Mild dislike is usually not worth being rude or confrontational about, but it is worth noticing & admitting to yourself. Somehow, even things where personal feelings “shouldn’t matter” go worse if your personal feelings are at all negative.

When it comes to people: Spend less effort trying to force it. Spend any effort at all looking for where it’s easy and feels good.