I think the real pain and dysfunction occurs when social pressures enforce socially constructed boxes, complete with rewards and penalties. If people could be free to enjoy who they are and who other people are, without having to worry about being socially judged as being worthy or unworthy, good or bad, there would be no need to perseverate on "identity".

I just reread your last paragraph, which I had not fully digested. I think we largely agree. Identity isn't the problem; social pressure is. Yet we are social animals; survival of the individual is dependent on being in a supportive group of people who find your expressed identity congruent or complementary with theirs. So we have in-groups and out-groups. Competition between groups. Wars. How do we freely express who we are while trying to function within judgmental groups?

What's the cross between an elephant and rhinocerous? "El-iph-i-no". Gods, we are a perverse species!