"Why on earth did you marry him if he was abusive?"

I've heard that a lot.

No one is attracted to an abuser. It always starts with a manipulative act of charm, care, kindness, generosity, and/or thoughtfulness to secure your trust and commitment. And when they have you right where they want you - isolated, dependent, and wholly invested in the relationship, they start to drop the facade, one tiny, unnoticeable drop at a time.