Notes
This is definitely giving me something to think about. I do feel I “owe” certain folk an in-person coming out. It’s a part of the very traditional and patriarchal world I was raised in. But none of us “owe” anyone anything when it comes to being ourselves, much less how (or if!) we do it. Not sure where I’ll end up landing but this is a good perspective.
Relatedly but a little tangentially, I love to write letters. I have one friend I’ve been writing for nearly 20 years. And we’ve only ever met once in-person.
“When I need to have a particularly important or challenging conversation with someone, I tend to write a letter about it. I like to sit with my thoughts and my emotions as I write them down, then go back and reread them to see if my words are being driven by emotion, honesty, logic, etc. It allows me to make sure that I am saying exactly what I want to as honestly as possible. And it gives the other person the space to process all the information on their own without feeling obligated to respond in a certain way because I am sitting in front of them. It's like the emotional equivalent of opening presents in front of the gift giver.”
