we enjoy solving problems. we enjoy it so much that when we don't have one, we set about finding some in the form of wordles and whodunits. there's something inherently satisfying about an answer that quells the question asked of us. but when problems become personal, less undertaken and more uninvited, that's a different story. what makes problems particularly difficult is our understandable human habit of enlisting the help of others. very rarely do we disclose our dilemma to a trusted confidant who suggests a quick and easy solution, we proclaim it's perfect, and then run off into the sunset to rid ourselves of it. more often than not, we deflect even solicited advice, explaining how it wouldn't work because deep down we already have some semblance of a plan. hence author saul bellow's insistence that, "when we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice." bearing this in mind, when another trusts us with their troubles, let us listen with the intent of understanding rather than responding. there's more than one way to be a hero and save the day, solutions are simply lauded as the only kind that counts. but when we ask questions from a place of listening rather than leading, inviting curiosity in lieu of control, we provide what's actually needed from us - not a fix but a friend. and when all else fails, may we gently remind each other that few decisions in life are as urgent as the mind makes them out to be. deciding not to decide is in and of itself a decision. for when we don't know where we're going, a wise course of action is to just stand still. soon enough we will. 📸: alberto gasco