Here are 8 lessons on coaching that I wish I knew earlier in my career:

1. The best coaching combines confrontation with care.

Being a hard-ass is easy. Being permissive is easy.

The hard part is loving someone deeply and being willing to get in their face when the moment demands it.

2. Save your intensity for when it matters.

An NBA coach once told me, "You can't MF them all the time because they tune it out. You save it for when you really need it."

This obviously applies to more than cussing. If you're intense all the time, athletes tune you out.

3. The relationship underneath is what matters most.

They've got to know you care. If they do, they'll run through a brick wall and listen to you when things get tough.

If they know you're using them to get accolades and notoriety, they'll check out when it matters most.

4. Stop trying to mimic others. Be yourself and go all the way.

Too many coaches come in doing their best Urban Meyer impression.

It might work at first but it wears thin fast. Fiery coaches succeed. Calm coaches succeed.

Everything works if it's real. Kids know if you're being real or not.

5. Even the best coaches are getting 20-30% of it wrong.

A Hall of Fame coach told me the best are only getting 70-80% right.

If you mimic someone 100%, you copy the genius and the garbage. Identifying what actually makes a difference is the hard part.

6. Set the culture early or spend the rest of the year fighting it.

My wife taught him this when she was teaching kindergarten: you either save yourself or screw yourself in the first couple weeks.

Establish expectations and standards early.

7. "Everyone is a leader. Their all just leading in different directions."

The George Mason basketball coach when they went on their Cinderella run told me this.

His point was that your job is to find the people leading the right way and use them to bring the rest along.

Peer pressure works. Use it intentionally.

8. Your job is to be the thermostat.

You don't just read the room's temperature, you adjust it by making it a little bit warmer or cooler.

When someone is too fired up, you talk calmly and get them to take a deep breathe.

When they are spiraling towards indifference or losing their focus, you bring some intensity to fire them up.

I love coaching because it forces you to deal with paradoxes. You've got to care and set standards. Be calm cool and collected, and sometimes lose your mind a little bit.

These lessons all came from a wonderful conversation we had on my podcast:

Excellence, Actually: "How to Coach Anyone, Including Yourself.

Coaching is a lifelong puzzle. And every new situation or athlete challenges you to do it better.

Hats off to all my coaches, teachers, and leaders out there.