The first person I knew to die by suicide was my best friend’s dad. We were about six years old and they lived next door to my grandparents, where I lived/stayed sometimes. He hung himself in the garage of their home, and I was never allowed to see Johnny or the family again. I often think of his mother… a Portuguese-American woman who was a mental health care practitioner who was left to raise their two sons. My favorite early experiences include going to the pool & sauna with her.

I remember the death of Allie, mentioned in Mary B’s writing… and threats of suicide by friends in crisis… deaths by hanging, overdose, gunshots… most recently teen friends/classmates of my nibblings…

What she writes at the end is real. Even with multiple deaths by suicide & people who experience suicidal ideation in my orbit, I still don’t know the right thing to say. I do know that pain is the cause, whatever the cause/s or how it presents.

So I keep practicing… slowing down, showing up, listening deeper, noticing more…

If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, that the world would be better off without you, or that you just can’t take it anymore… you aren’t alone. And also, this moment will pass. Reach out… call/text loved ones or 988.

Remember: You are more than your thoughts & feelings.