A year ago, my first traditionally published book entered into the world for others to read. Since then, I’m still unsure of how it all happened. It still feels like a dream. And, I’m still pinching myself. To mark the occasion, I thought I would reflect on a few things I’ve learned since.

• One of the best bits of advice I received was to define what success would look like to me. I decided that all I really wanted was to know that just one person had been impacted. Thanks to some of the kindest messages and book reviews, I know that more than one person has been changed by my book. But, it actually wasn’t in that moment that I felt like a success. Instead, it was that afternoon of the launch, after I laid down in bed — exhausted from counseling sessions and marketing — when I knew without a doubt that one person had already been impacted, changed, and transformed. You might have guessed it — that person was me.

• On another note, writing a book doesn’t dramatically alter your life. The money you made will be spent. The people who admired you in the process will go away. You still have to do the laundry. The lights will dim. Writing a book won’t, and can’t, fill that gaping hole inside you that is looking for endless validation and affirmation. Like all your other accomplishments — you can’t be defined by them. Shaped? Yes. But, this climb you made will only make you long for more peaks to summit. You’ll realize, once more, that life is less about the finish line and far more about the person you are and have become in the process. There’s only you left at the end of the day. Can you be at peace with just you? Can you sit with yourself?

• It wasn’t actually writing the book that felt the hardest. You do that by showing up everyday. You do that one word at a time. You do that by leaning into the dumpster fire of a rough draft you’ll always write first. The hardest part was coming to terms with who I am and what that would look like and sound like on a page. The hardest part was  learning to take up space instead of shrink — to be okay with being misunderstood or not being what people want you to be. That’s what writing is all about. But, it’s also what life is all about. We waste so much time attempting to conform and placate and appease instead of just fully embracing our whole self. Writing a book is one way to get there. Or, it was — for me. Either way, in whatever way we make our way to that version of our self — it’s worth it. It’s where freedom is.

• Most systems are broken. They bring out the worst in people. And, people will not always show up the way you want them to. Even (sometimes, especially) the ones that you thought were most on your side. We can either choose to lay down and die in despair or we can rise above that disappointment and be the person we wish others could be. We have to make that choice almost every day. Some days will be easier than others. But, it’s important that we persist in making the better choice. For ourselves, and for others. More importantly, we have to fight to see the good. We have to make a choice to look for what does work and for who is good and kind. What we notice, multiplies.

• Your path won’t look like any other person’s. There’s no algorithm to taking risks and seeing dreams come true. Numbers are a game that you don’t have to play.

• Keep going.

I don’t know what comes next. I’m still figuring that out. But, I am so incredibly grateful for what this last year (and the years prior in which I was working quietly in the unseen) held. I’m the most grateful for the steadiness I see in myself and for the joy of seeing something so incredibly worthwhile all the way through. It’s a gift to know that so many people have purchased and read my book. If that was you, THANK YOU. I can’t tell you what it means to me that you took the time to support me and this book’s message.