How direct should you be when you need to bring up an issue at work?

I've gotten this wrong in both directions.

I see communication as an intensity dial.

• Low end: support, patience, open questions.

• High-end: clarity, urgency, directness.

You need both. But most of us get stuck at the extremes. We stay too soft, then overcorrect and come in too hot. The middle gets skipped entirely.

The skill is learning to use the full dial.

Moving from 3 to 5 when the first conversation didn't land. Holding at 5 to give it time. Recognizing when it's time for 7. And so on.

Soft or direct isn't the question. The question is: what level does this moment actually need? And how do you gradually increase the intensity?

I wrote a full breakdown with examples of each level here: