Iran Reaches Peace Agreement with Uninterested Nate Bargatze

He just loves straits

Reports described a tentative agreement on Monday outlining the reopening of the Strait of Hormuz and the end of aggressions between Iran and the United States, as represented by Nate Bargatze who says he was just in the area anyway.

“I just really believe in straits,” Bargatze told reporters in Tehran. “They buy the most tickets to my shows, and they live the way the Bible says. I just think that’s neat.”

Despite his apparent misunderstanding, Bargatze seems to have recovered a fumble that kept the Trump administration scrambling since February, though critics have many questions about the concessions the US will make in Iran’s favor.

One such concession is a $300 billion fund to be financed by private companies.

“I just assumed the company was Netflix,” Bargatze admitted. “That’s…what? 300 stand-up specials?”

Asked for further details, Bargatze directed reporters to his wife, who he said “usually takes care of stuff like that.”

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