What is a “real man”?!

“Yesteryear” is a book about a tradwife influencer who wakes up trapped in the 1850s, forced to actually live the farm lifestyle she’s been promoting. Artfully written by Caro Claire Burke, it has completely taken over my consciousness this week.

It’s a book that has sat at the top of The New York Times Best Seller list since it was published in April. It peels back layers of societal truth: postpartum depression, religion, conservatism, masculinity, parenthood, homeschooling influencers, parasocial relationships, tradwives.

The section I can’t stop thinking about is when Natalie, the main character, reacts to her husband wanting to become a kindergarten teacher. According to her, that’s not a job for a “real man.” She compares it to weakness, softness, a flaccid penis. It’s a shocking description.

And what feels most haunting about Yesteryear? It’s fiction, but it’s also reality.

You know whose masculinity gets questioned all the time? Mine.

You know whose wife gets criticized because people assume that if I’m cleaning or if I cook a meal that must mean that she’s “not doing enough around the house” or why she’s doing the “masculine roles” instead? Mine.

You know how many times I’ve been told I shouldn’t wear something, style my hair a certain way, express emotions openly, teach elementary school, clean my home, or exist the way I do because it’s “not masculine enough”? Too many times.

But you know what?

I’m man enough to walk into my local elementary school every day and teach children.

I’m man enough to read books written by female authors that challenge my thinking.

I’m man enough to scrub my family’s toilet.

I’m man enough to admit when I don’t know something.

I’m man enough to take my daughters around the world and show them that they have choices, access, passions, and possibilities.

But do you know who has never questioned my masculinity via a veiled DM or comment? Other men. The comments and questions all come from women. Isn’t that fascinating.

So I’m man enough to say this: Tradwives, leave me and my wife alone.

Worry about your own home and your own life. It’s not the 1850s anymore.

And to the rest of you, what is a “real man”?