So. Not quite what I was expecting from this week, or hoping to be writing about by the end of it...

Unfortunately, I was forced to pull out of Renewi before it even began. There is a DNF beside my name, purely because I signed on, but to fail at even getting past the neutralisation was devastating, and leaves a DNS imprinted on my mind. 

In the neutral, we were already travelling fast. Attentive as ever, I saw Tim Merlier signal to the lead commissaire with the universal signal for “slow down,” or “doucement” — patting the dog. 

Shortly after we arrived on a bigger road, the speed picked up some more. A teammate's data showed we were going some 42km/h; quite fast for a neutralised section. 

With just under a kilometre before the real start, as my DS communicated, we joined this big road. Typical Dutch. It was a big, smooth road without a single bump in, covered with perfect tarmac. So, not one rider there would expect to see gravel as thick as there was in the middle of the road. 

I was plastered to the back of the lead car, ready to do my job and catch the breakaway. I was pumped for my first world tour race, too. So I was keen not to get swamped when the right turn came up.

The car began to turn. I also leaned into the bend, and at that very moment when I dropped my shoulder, riders on my left shouted »gravel«….

It was too late. I had already committed, and besides, I expected the gravel to be on the inside of the bend (as is usually the case). 

This time, despite it being on the highway, as I’ve already mentioned, it was in the »middle« of the road. Plain as day for any of the 100 lead motos to spot (but not me, centimetres from the bumper of the lead car) and communicate to the lead car.

By the time I had registered the riders shouting ‘gravel’ and that it was in my path through the bend, I was already on the floor with a Lotto rider, and a few others. 

I was flooded with disappointment that my first world tour race would start like this. 

Then I saw my hand, already the size of the boxer’s under-glove and knew it wouldn’t be happening. On top of that, my hearing went for a while, until I got into the Ambulance. My race was done before it even started—my first one at World Tour. 

Positively, nothing is broken (I still fall well thanks to my Gymnastics days, and my body is strong from a year of putting health as my top priority) and I've managed the emotions of the event, thanks to the work with @cerebralperformance to build a resilience to these unforeseen and challenging moments.

My hand is very grazed, like a dog has had at it, as is my shoulder and elbow. But I'll be back as soon as the swelling has gone down. A severely bitter pill to swallow, but I have been, and am, feeling better having taken it. Onwards.