>year 1880, be me, Vasily Rozanov

>24 years old provincial schoolteacher, making fuck all

>obsessed with Dostoevsky, literally call myself his “Underground Man” and him my “Daddy”

>find out his ex-mistress femme fatale Apollinaria Suslova is suddenly “available”

>she's 40

>I'm 24

>don't care because “love”, also because Dostoevsky touched her

>marry her immediately

>"ngl this is basically a literary sacrament" I tell myself while she screams at me

>she makes public scenes, flirts with my friends, tells everyone my writing is "stupid books"

>mfw I wanted to marry a Dostoevsky heroine and got exactly what I asked for

>endure six years of this

>finally meet a nice woman, Varvara

>ask Suslova for divorce

>she says no

>ask again

>no

>keeps saying no for TWENTY YEARS

>have to marry Varvara in secret, all my kids are legally "illegitimate"

>somehow become famous philosopher anyway as if there was a choice

>write about the sanctity of sex so much they call me "Rasputin"

>publish in conservative newspaper under my own name as a monarchist

>simultaneously publish in radical journals under pseudonyms arguing the exact opposite

>write essays admiring Judaism and Jewish family life

>also publish vile antisemitic takes

>somehow see no contradiction

>get in fights with literally everyone including Lenin

>this is fine, "on a subject one must have exactly 1000 points of view"

>nobody believes that tho

>revolution happens

>flee to a monastery

>starve to death

>mfw I spent my whole life wetdreaming of Dostoevsky and died like a character from his novel