I think about this chart a lot. Over fifteen years of Reddit relationship advice, one trend steadily rises above the rest: “end the relationship.”

There are a few interpretations, and at least one of them is good news.

First, rising standards. There is far more public language now for identifying manipulation, coercion, emotional abuse, and unhealthy dynamics. Entire generations grew up without those frameworks. If the internet has made it easier for someone to recognise that a relationship is genuinely harmful and leave it, that is something to celebrate.

Second, selection effects. If you are asking Reddit for relationship advice, things are probably already quite bad. People rarely post, “My relationship is mostly fine, what should I do?” So the dataset may simply overrepresent situations where leaving is in fact the correct answer.

But I suspect something else is going on too, where the internet has also meaningfully changed the psychology of relationships.

Dating apps introduce a constant background sense of optionality. Even when we are committed to someone, the cultural atmosphere says there are always more profiles, more possibilities, more “better fits.” Over time, that can erode the habit of working through conflict.

At the same time, social media has made relationships unusually comparative. We are constantly shown highlight reels of other couples. Entire genres of content exist to showcase hyper-attentive partners, from “if he wanted to he would” to “things my man does that would send your low effort man into a coma.”

The result is sometimes a shift in framing. Instead of How do we grow through this together? the question may become Is this person meeting the standard I’ve seen elsewhere?

Some of this cultural shift is healthy. People should not tolerate neglect or cruelty. But I do wonder if we are losing something at the same time: the cultural scripts for repair, patience, and imperfect partnership.

The internet is very good at teaching people how to spot red flags. It is much worse at teaching how to build something that survives ordinary human flaws. What do you think is going on?