As a U.S. veteran, I’ve been trying to put words to how the state of the United States feels right now. The honest answer is that it isn’t one emotion. It’s all of the painful ones, stacked.

Despair. For the U.S. servicemembers, many of them friends, who sacrificed years of their lives, their bodies, and in some cases everything, for a country that now feels unfamiliar. They signed up to defend the rule of law, alliances, democratic norms, and the idea that power has limits. Watching those values get waved away as inconvenient is brutal.

Anger. At the speed. 80 years of trust, alliances, and hard-earned goodwill obliterated in roughly 30 days. Economic, and perhaps kinetic, warfare against long-time friends and partners is some twilight zone shit.

Fear. At the growing comfort with authoritarian behavior from federal law enforcement and executive power. History is clear on this point: once a government decides fundamental rights are flexible for “good reasons,” they rarely heal again on their own.

Sadness. For allies who stood with us in the War on Terror, who buried their dead alongside ours, and are now wondering whether the United States is their newest, most dangerous enemy.

Exhaustion. From having to explain, repeatedly to conservative family and colleagues, that criticism isn’t disloyalty. That wanting your country to live up to its promises is not betrayal. A patriot is proud of his country because of what it does. A Nationalist is proud of his country no matter what it does. There’s a difference.

And still, beneath all of it, there’s resolve. Because the true character of the United States is not the loudest voices, the worst impulses, or the people confusing statehood with domination. It’s the majority who stare at their phones in shock with each new indignity. It’s the majority who still believe that alliances matter. And it’s the majority that will be tasked with setting this right at the voting booth.

I’ve been studying international relations for 20 years and writing about it for 12. I can definitively say that no regime lasts forever.

The immediate question: Is the United States of America itself strong enough to withstand one immoral person, granted an obscene amount of power?

The obvious question: Can Americans be trusted to fix this problem from the inside? My own father is a Trump supporter and defender of ICE. This fact is painful for me.

The true question: How many generations it will take to repair the damage?