Once upon a time there was a very hungry man. Laying in bed in the back of his van. He had no food left, and no money to buy any. He had just emerged from a Video Gaming event, feeling not so great about himself because he did not win. He drove over an hour to get here and every moment of his life is precious. He is a drug addict. He is a skinny pale braindead homeless drug addict who can’t stop checking his phone. He lives in coffee shops because that’s where he can hang out with his two best friends, his laptop and his phone. They’re always dying and so he’s always having to find a new coffee shop to revive them. This isn’t important, what is important is that right now he is so very hungry but he has nothing to eat.

He switched into present tense as he wrote because his mind is oatmeal. Was oatmeal. Back when this story was happening, back in May of 2025, which was a horrific month of his life, if you were watching it like it was a show. A lot of people were watching it like a show, because he kept writing about the things that happened to him and shared them online, trying to make it funny, trying to make it thrilling, and suspenseful, because he thought he was a brilliant artist and he loved the attention he got for putting on this great hilarious show. The show was awful. It wasn’t good, or bad, it was just awful. Meaning you had to stand in awe of it, the weight of it, the impossibility, the depravity, the horror. He was omniscient and oblivious at once. He was incepting a lot of images into a lot of peoples’ heads through a screen, which wasn’t so crazy back then, in May of 2025, back when we had the internet and personal computers and phones and stuff, but the crazy part about this show in particular was that it was real. He was trying so hard to make something “real” something “raw” something “honest” that he became the show. He was always on the job. Every moment of every day he was being watched by his future self, waiting for moments of weakness, so that they could be harvested, to help magnify the horror of the show.