Substackers: I’m not a massive fan of this writing platform trying to be a twitter dupe.

Substack CEO’s: Copy that. We’re launching reels!

Substackers: Y’know a working search function would really improve the user experience.

Substack CEO’s: And we’re delighted to announce: Substack TV!

Substackers: It’d be so cool if you could bookmark notes and save drafts?

Substack CEO’s: …So you want to know all the paying users? Okay, we’ve given them all spirograph badges.

Substackers: Could you handle the rampant hate speech?

Substack CEO’s: What we’re hearing is: you want your writing experience to have unregulated gambling