For some reason, “is Phoebe Bridger’s ‘no phone’ policy ableist?” is the last straw. It’s enough. Enough cultural critique. Enough social commentary. Enough discourse. The floor is lava from all the hot takes. Time to move on. Take up improv. Start a cult. Learn to macramé. Have you noticed how bland fruit and vegetables are recently—their mounting dullness mirroring western civilisation’s slow creep towards a great grey collapse in on itself? We need more farmers who are serious in their passion of the seed. We have said all the things that need to be said.