I've seen variations of "Sensitivity is a superpower" and thought, "Wow, what copium!" — until reading Untamed by Glennon Doyle. In another place or time, sensitive people would be venerated as shamans or spiritual leaders to consult because they quickly recognize trends (including pain and dis-ease) in the collective.
That could speak to your first and third bullet points in the contemporary USA — it's cool to have deep recognition of people's pain points and help them feel seen! Maybe *they* didn't have a compassionate witness, and a highly sensitive person is just what they need.
Online spicy workers who dominate, for example? They see how kinks can be the rerouted repository of men's shame and difficult feelings.
Anyway, when I think I might be too sensitive to criticism (especially of my content), I remind myself to flip what I stand *against* and focus on what I stand *for.* And that's so important for anyone who's going to do anything revolutionary — it by definition goes against the grain. But it's ultimately also for those who may have been let down by the resources available to them, who need help and to be seen.
"In another place or time, sensitive people would be venerated as shamans or spiritual leaders to consult because they quickly recognize trends (including pain and dis-ease) in the collective." Thank you for recognising and verbalising this, I neede to hear this today. Love a fellow 'We can do hard things' fan :) x
When it comes to receiving feedback/criticism on my art/work, I will sometimes say "I am not receiving feedback at this time." When I am ready to receive feedback, I will ask people I know and trust. As my best friend tells me "Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from."
Ooooo I LOVE this - and think this is something I am going to implement. Also reminds me of a quote from the song 'we can do hard things' by Tish Melton
My family growing called me “too sensitive” The world has thrown me about like crashing waves on a cliff, and I have blamed myself for being too sensitive my whole life. But the way I have helped other people, and raised 5 incredibly kind, conscious human beings tells me my sensitivity is a gift from God. Now I need to relearn how to use it for the glory of God instead of be trapped by my ptsd. I’m so thankful for you and have followed you since your first book and travels. God bless.
I agree with your friend. Sensitivity is a gift. While it does mean that I experience more pain, the flip side is that I am better able to "walk a mile in another person's shoes," which leads me to be kind, compassionate, and generous when I might otherwise be self-centered, judgemental, and stingy.
I believe some of us were born with a more finely-tuned sensitivity setting than others. I've been accused of "wearing my feelings on my sleeve" on my life. When I was younger, I tried to develop thicker skin, but it didn't work. And if it had, I don't think I would like the person I would've become.
One of my sensitivity settings is that I am easily moved to tears (happy or otherwise), so I've learned to tell concerned people that crying is one of the things I do well in life. It's been so interesting to hear many people say they wished they could say the same about themselves.
"crying is one of the things I do well in life." - that's so wonderful. I'm probably in the category of people who tell you they wished they could that too.
I like your perspective on crying. I’m the same! I noticed recently that I cry whenever I’m overwhelmed with emotions, happy or sad and anything in between.
I definitely tear up when someone I’m talking to does so kinda the reverse of what you mentioned lol. Typically seeing anyone cry can bring me to tears. It can be so frustrating sometimes. Learning to embrace who I am.
You're describing the characteristics of Highly Sensitive Persons, which represent about 20% of the population and have parallels in about 20% of all species. The main characteristics of this temperament are sensitivity to subtle stimuli, emotional reactivity and high empathy, deep processing, and a tendency toward overstimulation (the main drawback). Check out Elaine Aaron's work. Tons of info on the internet.
Ha! So true, I have an argument I use, I say that there are plenty or strong people. I live in new york city, and strong women are so common here, so I say that does not impress me at all because I meet tons of people like that, and I am more impressed with the gentle, that is very rare, more that kindness, the gentleness. They usually have a better sense of the state of the world around and that's truly exciting!
I relate to this a lot, Chris! Something I've been talking with my therapist about a lot lately is my "hypervigilance" in relationships, which is sensitivity by another name! I was a little embarrassed by it at first; by my inability to be just be chill and laissez-faire about everything — but the more I thought about it, the more I felt grateful both for the ways it developed/protected me as a kid and for the ways it allows me to see, understand, and empathize with other people more deeply. Sensitivity really is a gift, and the sensitive ones tend to be the people I'm drawn to most!
I have been told I am too sensitive. As I’ve explored some childhood neglect I believe being sensitive played into the impact from that neglect. I find it difficult to see it as a gift, but am open to viewing it differently. Thank you for writing about this.
I agree. It is a gift but it can sometimes make you feel estranged from others who have less than a sensitive response to almost everything. Sensitivity also extends to out bodies over which we may not have any control at all. Doctors find sensitivity in their patients but only refer them to a councillor or a psychiatrist. I would like to find research on the subject of body sensitivity.
As a woman (and a short woman at that) I am regularly told I am too sensitive when I raise any issue. Must learn to present myself better, but sometimes...
I live with MS and that has heightened my sensitivity to sound and light and all sorts of things. It's hard to explain to others that being in a restaurant is exhausting, or that listening to a concert can put me in bed for a day.
First: ZeeZee Plants are a great place to start. They are hard to kill and they don't mind indirect sunlight. Second: thank you for naming the sensitivity, and thank you to John Williams in the comments about his insights of Highly Sensitive Persons. This has been a struggle my entire life (how many times have I heard "you are so sensitive" or "stop being so sensitive!". It is such a relief to feel a bit more seen.
Such a great post, I agree about sensitivity being a superpower, but when misused/misunderstood, it can also be my kryptonite.
1. I don’t know if I would say “too sensitive” or perhaps I just prefer “highly attuned”. My exploration into DNA testing last year shed a lot of light on how my genes significantly influence our personality traits, thinking/overthinking patterns, and how fast/slow our brains clear emotional charges. Super insightful!
2. My response to criticism largely depends on the critic's intention. Constructive criticism, offered with genuine goodwill, is something I can receive openly and use for my personal/professional growth. However, criticism that feels destructive or comes from a place of ill intent tends to affect me quite deeply, sometimes leading to withdrawal and in worst circumstances a severance of personal/professional ties.
3. Considering the journey and effort it has taken to understand my complexities, the idea of starting over as someone else sounds exhausting so I’ll stick with the devil I know! ;)
4. I don’t have a favorite plant, I’m struggling to keep the artificial ones alive! Okay, that’s not true, I have one aloe plant on my kitchen window. I try to remember to water it once a month (if that) yet it appears to be thriving. Aloe is one of the most difficult plants to kill so I guess I just got lucky on this one. My advice would be to probably NEVER take any plant advice from me!
Don’t feel too bad. A lot of us have trouble keeping plants alive. As to my favorite I would have to say it would be the rubber tree plant, they are very resilient!
I love rubber trees! I currently have three. A lot of them come from West Africa, where I lived for a while, so having them around reminds me of those times.
Growing up and into adulthood, I was told I was too sensitive and a lot of folks around me didn’t understand it, myself included. Absorbing their criticisms back then made me feel like I never fit in. That scenario did not bode well for this introvert that didn’t want to miss stuff! Later in life and with some good therapy, I learned that I was an HSP and being that way wasn’t a weakness, it was a gift. A huge lightbulb went on and everything made sense after that. I feel lucky to be able to read a room, as that has connected me to experiences and people I’d never dreamed of having/meeting. It was a life-altering event to finally understand that uniqueness should not be hidden in shame, but instead be celebrated, cherished and nurtured.
I used to think I was too sensitive, but I've come to realize that I was just ill equipped to interact with people online. I read a book called FIRE the Haters by Jillian Johnsrud, and it changed everything. She taught me that if I want to create anything, I need to have the willingness to be misunderstood. Now I get a ton of hate online, and I'm able to watch it with a bit of detached fascination. The things people say are representations of them, not me.
I've seen variations of "Sensitivity is a superpower" and thought, "Wow, what copium!" — until reading Untamed by Glennon Doyle. In another place or time, sensitive people would be venerated as shamans or spiritual leaders to consult because they quickly recognize trends (including pain and dis-ease) in the collective.
That could speak to your first and third bullet points in the contemporary USA — it's cool to have deep recognition of people's pain points and help them feel seen! Maybe *they* didn't have a compassionate witness, and a highly sensitive person is just what they need.
Online spicy workers who dominate, for example? They see how kinks can be the rerouted repository of men's shame and difficult feelings.
Anyway, when I think I might be too sensitive to criticism (especially of my content), I remind myself to flip what I stand *against* and focus on what I stand *for.* And that's so important for anyone who's going to do anything revolutionary — it by definition goes against the grain. But it's ultimately also for those who may have been let down by the resources available to them, who need help and to be seen.
"In another place or time, sensitive people would be venerated as shamans or spiritual leaders to consult because they quickly recognize trends (including pain and dis-ease) in the collective." Thank you for recognising and verbalising this, I neede to hear this today. Love a fellow 'We can do hard things' fan :) x
I’m going to check that book out, thanks for mentioning it. It sounds interesting.
Me too! Just bought it... :)
When it comes to receiving feedback/criticism on my art/work, I will sometimes say "I am not receiving feedback at this time." When I am ready to receive feedback, I will ask people I know and trust. As my best friend tells me "Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from."
I love that. Sometimes feedback is helpful—other times, it isn't.
Yup, people have rights to their opinions, but they're not entitled to you as their audience!
Ooooo I LOVE this - and think this is something I am going to implement. Also reminds me of a quote from the song 'we can do hard things' by Tish Melton
'We stopped asking directions
To places they've never been'
My family growing called me “too sensitive” The world has thrown me about like crashing waves on a cliff, and I have blamed myself for being too sensitive my whole life. But the way I have helped other people, and raised 5 incredibly kind, conscious human beings tells me my sensitivity is a gift from God. Now I need to relearn how to use it for the glory of God instead of be trapped by my ptsd. I’m so thankful for you and have followed you since your first book and travels. God bless.
God bless you, Beatriz!
Thank you so much, you too❣️
I agree with your friend. Sensitivity is a gift. While it does mean that I experience more pain, the flip side is that I am better able to "walk a mile in another person's shoes," which leads me to be kind, compassionate, and generous when I might otherwise be self-centered, judgemental, and stingy.
I believe some of us were born with a more finely-tuned sensitivity setting than others. I've been accused of "wearing my feelings on my sleeve" on my life. When I was younger, I tried to develop thicker skin, but it didn't work. And if it had, I don't think I would like the person I would've become.
One of my sensitivity settings is that I am easily moved to tears (happy or otherwise), so I've learned to tell concerned people that crying is one of the things I do well in life. It's been so interesting to hear many people say they wished they could say the same about themselves.
"crying is one of the things I do well in life." - that's so wonderful. I'm probably in the category of people who tell you they wished they could that too.
I like your perspective on crying. I’m the same! I noticed recently that I cry whenever I’m overwhelmed with emotions, happy or sad and anything in between.
Me too, and I’ve noticed that sometimes when I tear up, the person I’m talking to does as well. I’m thankful for my sensitive friends!💞
I definitely tear up when someone I’m talking to does so kinda the reverse of what you mentioned lol. Typically seeing anyone cry can bring me to tears. It can be so frustrating sometimes. Learning to embrace who I am.
Yes, embrace who you are - a caring person who “weeps with those who weep.”
Romans 12:15
🩷🩷🩷
You're describing the characteristics of Highly Sensitive Persons, which represent about 20% of the population and have parallels in about 20% of all species. The main characteristics of this temperament are sensitivity to subtle stimuli, emotional reactivity and high empathy, deep processing, and a tendency toward overstimulation (the main drawback). Check out Elaine Aaron's work. Tons of info on the internet.
Ha! So true, I have an argument I use, I say that there are plenty or strong people. I live in new york city, and strong women are so common here, so I say that does not impress me at all because I meet tons of people like that, and I am more impressed with the gentle, that is very rare, more that kindness, the gentleness. They usually have a better sense of the state of the world around and that's truly exciting!
I relate to this a lot, Chris! Something I've been talking with my therapist about a lot lately is my "hypervigilance" in relationships, which is sensitivity by another name! I was a little embarrassed by it at first; by my inability to be just be chill and laissez-faire about everything — but the more I thought about it, the more I felt grateful both for the ways it developed/protected me as a kid and for the ways it allows me to see, understand, and empathize with other people more deeply. Sensitivity really is a gift, and the sensitive ones tend to be the people I'm drawn to most!
I have been told I am too sensitive. As I’ve explored some childhood neglect I believe being sensitive played into the impact from that neglect. I find it difficult to see it as a gift, but am open to viewing it differently. Thank you for writing about this.
I agree. It is a gift but it can sometimes make you feel estranged from others who have less than a sensitive response to almost everything. Sensitivity also extends to out bodies over which we may not have any control at all. Doctors find sensitivity in their patients but only refer them to a councillor or a psychiatrist. I would like to find research on the subject of body sensitivity.
As a woman (and a short woman at that) I am regularly told I am too sensitive when I raise any issue. Must learn to present myself better, but sometimes...
I live with MS and that has heightened my sensitivity to sound and light and all sorts of things. It's hard to explain to others that being in a restaurant is exhausting, or that listening to a concert can put me in bed for a day.
First: ZeeZee Plants are a great place to start. They are hard to kill and they don't mind indirect sunlight. Second: thank you for naming the sensitivity, and thank you to John Williams in the comments about his insights of Highly Sensitive Persons. This has been a struggle my entire life (how many times have I heard "you are so sensitive" or "stop being so sensitive!". It is such a relief to feel a bit more seen.
Such a great post, I agree about sensitivity being a superpower, but when misused/misunderstood, it can also be my kryptonite.
1. I don’t know if I would say “too sensitive” or perhaps I just prefer “highly attuned”. My exploration into DNA testing last year shed a lot of light on how my genes significantly influence our personality traits, thinking/overthinking patterns, and how fast/slow our brains clear emotional charges. Super insightful!
2. My response to criticism largely depends on the critic's intention. Constructive criticism, offered with genuine goodwill, is something I can receive openly and use for my personal/professional growth. However, criticism that feels destructive or comes from a place of ill intent tends to affect me quite deeply, sometimes leading to withdrawal and in worst circumstances a severance of personal/professional ties.
3. Considering the journey and effort it has taken to understand my complexities, the idea of starting over as someone else sounds exhausting so I’ll stick with the devil I know! ;)
4. I don’t have a favorite plant, I’m struggling to keep the artificial ones alive! Okay, that’s not true, I have one aloe plant on my kitchen window. I try to remember to water it once a month (if that) yet it appears to be thriving. Aloe is one of the most difficult plants to kill so I guess I just got lucky on this one. My advice would be to probably NEVER take any plant advice from me!
Don’t feel too bad. A lot of us have trouble keeping plants alive. As to my favorite I would have to say it would be the rubber tree plant, they are very resilient!
I love rubber trees! I currently have three. A lot of them come from West Africa, where I lived for a while, so having them around reminds me of those times.
I feel that way every day.
Growing up and into adulthood, I was told I was too sensitive and a lot of folks around me didn’t understand it, myself included. Absorbing their criticisms back then made me feel like I never fit in. That scenario did not bode well for this introvert that didn’t want to miss stuff! Later in life and with some good therapy, I learned that I was an HSP and being that way wasn’t a weakness, it was a gift. A huge lightbulb went on and everything made sense after that. I feel lucky to be able to read a room, as that has connected me to experiences and people I’d never dreamed of having/meeting. It was a life-altering event to finally understand that uniqueness should not be hidden in shame, but instead be celebrated, cherished and nurtured.
Same for me when I learned I’m an HSP!
I used to think I was too sensitive, but I've come to realize that I was just ill equipped to interact with people online. I read a book called FIRE the Haters by Jillian Johnsrud, and it changed everything. She taught me that if I want to create anything, I need to have the willingness to be misunderstood. Now I get a ton of hate online, and I'm able to watch it with a bit of detached fascination. The things people say are representations of them, not me.