I love buying books and supporting indie bookstores...and we live in a small space. My solution? We do a book giveaway once a year to help clear out books; I'm only keeping what I'll re-read, and I've started buying books that others in my Buy Nothing Group want to read but the library has long hold lines! Oh and we have a little free library. I thought I wouldn't be as happy with less books, but I am. Too many packed into too small of a space stressed me out!
It can be a lot to have an excess of books, agreed. We had a little free library when we lived in LA, until someone stole it. (WHY???) I really miss it. I also do giveaways and lend books I‘m finished to people telling them to give them to someone else afterward. I only keep those I haven’t read or want to reread, too. It‘s just that I‘m lucky and really loved a lot of books... it‘s a good problem and I agree with you- it‘s always possible to find more. 🩷
Someone stole your little free library? That's horrible! I'm so sorry. And yes, also why? I'm glad that you love so many books! I tend to keep a lot more nonfiction, but it's nice having books around for videos in particular. A friend who I used to work at a bookstore with just asked me specifically for recommendations of books that made me a better person because she knew I was always reading books that made me think and changed my perspective. So I'm going to grab probably twenty off the shelves to share with her!
2023 - I bought a couch. It fits my 5'4" frame as opposed to couches that I have owned where my feet didn't reach the floor. I ordered it in a turquoise fabric that is both retro and modern. It has brushed silver decorative trim. The color matches a jazzy painting on the wall. I waited ten months for it and the day that arrived I told my son to lie down and I took a picture of him laughing on my couch. The couch pleases me very much.
As a person with ADHD I simply can't remember allllll the great experiences I had. I sure know I had them, but most times I need photo proof what it was really like. But I can see the objects that bring me joy every day around me. That's what really keeps me alive - finding beauty and joy in every day objects, art, books, furniture, papeterie. For a very long time I felt bad about that. A material girl. But the more I indulge myself in interior design teachings the more I learn how necessary it is - especially for a person who needs to be stimulated - to evoke the emotions I crave. Nothing greater than a flashing pink sofa with patterned cushions, a pile of art books and a hot coffee in my hand. ☕🙂
Lena, I'm with you! Half the time I can't remember what happened last week! Now that I've been diagnosed with ADHD, it makes much more sense! I love having my "things" surround me; but lately I'm finding that there are so many things, that my favorite things are somewhat lost in the noise of it all - of course that could be attributed to the fact that I'm now on meds for my ADHD ;-). My grandmother always said, "A place for everything and everything in its place". I've always said, "I have too much everything and not enough place". I think when I can find that balance my surroundings will bring me more peace and joy. (I do love the sound of your sofa!!)
Advice about how to live one's life ignores the fact that we are all individuals. My ex-husband and dear friend had a childhood full of uncertainty. His happiness rests in feeling secure at home. He doesn't want to go anywhere, he just wants to putter around his house, play his piano, read, and enjoy the company of his visiting family. "Experiences" are the last thing that would bring him happiness. A new book, now - that lights him up. I had a quiet, stable childhood and thrive on a wide range of travel and experiences. But that doesn't mean a new book won't light me up with joy, too.
If anyone goes couch shopping with me, they should know that said couch will be covered in cat hair mere moments after arriving in my home. 😻😻😻
This is such a timely post. I did a mega clearing of my clothes over the holidays. It was astonishing how much I had that I am genuinely happy to wear, once I cleared all the stuff that is no longer my style (or my size).
I decided not to buy any clothes in 2024 because I felt so well-equipped. But what I am letting myself buy? Fabric! Wow the joy I get from buying something fabric and actually making the new clothes. This has been a huge discovery.
So maybe it isn’t „don’t buy things“ but perhaps instead it‘s „how would it feel to buy different things?“
🤣🤣🤣 I totally get it. We keep thinking the youngest cat needs a more energetic playmate, but then that you gest cat would need the same thing...it‘s a slippery slope. Thankfully one of our cats is definitely on the spectrum so we can hold the impulse off with „It would be way too much for Clyde.“
Poor Clyde ❤️. One of ours is older than dirt, 4 arrived via their mother, a stray a friend took in and was then unable to keep (and that was before they knew she was pregnant ;-), sadly we lost their Mom to cancer a couple of years ago. The last 2 showed up where I work. One was probably only about 8 weeks old, the other under a year. It's a somewhat chaotic, but happy bunch overall.
Our oldest, Hugo, is 8. A co-worker fostered his mom and his many brothers and sisters so we met him when his eyes were barely open. Clyde came from a friend‘s garden and when our previous third, Oskar died last year we adopted Drakula (he‘s from Romania, b+w, with prominent fangs and likes to bite necks).
I'm an expert seamstress but I'm lazy. Right now I want to buy clothing completely done and made with well finished seams.
However buying fabric is exciting...oh the possibilities. I just read an article on how linen has a far higher vibration than other fabrics. I'd buy giant swathes of linen. If you like linen I have an excellent affordable source in Canada. Check out purelinenenvy.ca
I do love linen! I generally get it in Europe as we have to pay import fees that can get super high. However this could be an excellent treat to order when visiting family in the US- thank you!
Kudos to you for bucking the “feel good advice” trend. I love to buy things for myself, family and friends that enhance that persons life or joy. Like most things in life the key is moderation. most things are good to great when enjoyed in moderation including acquiring things and having experiences.
I recently bought a tiny electric fireplace, and it makes me absurdly happy. I've decked out a little nook in my office to be a cozy corner, especially nice in the winter. This tiny electric fireplace is nothing more than a jazzed up wax warmer, but it's so nice to watch on a winter evening. I've fallen asleep next to it a few times already.
The title on amazon dot com is this "Wax Melt Warmer Electric Melter - Electric Dynamic Flame Fireplace Wax Burner, Wax Melter for Scented Wax Melts with 4 timer, Flame Light Fragrance Wax Cubes Warmer Gift & Decor for Home Office Studio"
Oooh, I looked it up and I love it!! And I can't find my old wax burner (I know I used to have one somewhere...), and I have some waxes.... Well, Chris DID say it's OK to buy some things if they make us happy...
Yes, a couch can even make you ridiculously happy. Along with several thousand other souls - mid-pandemic, we lost everything + our home in a massive wildfire. It's not "just stuff" - things are a personal history; a representation of who you are. Thank you for this countercultural (to social, anyway) piece.
Chris, if we went couch shopping together, there are probably a few things you “should” (there’s that word again), know about me, and my general perspective on couches - which kind of applies to my life overall:
1. Comfort first. My home doesn’t look like something out of House Beautiful, and I’m more than a little OK with that. My home is for living in.
2. A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Despite comfort being the one criterion that rules them all, I don’t want to live in a dump. I love beautiful things and feel they enrich my life.
3. Cats… no explanation necessary other than the fact that we have 7. We seem to be a main portal for the Cat Distribution Center…
4. My couch, my rules. At 64, I’m finally comfortable enough in my own skin to have my own opinions and to stick up for myself. Of you don’t like my couch, or my rules, I know where there’s a great red couch on a beach…
My perspective is that material things can bring pleasure rather than happiness. However, I do think that the ability to experience pleasure is one ingredient to happiness.
For me, the trouble comes when I try to substitute pleasure (which is easy and fast to attain) for actual happiness, which is complex, fleeting, and never guaranteed.
"However, I do think that the ability to experience pleasure is one ingredient to happiness." <-- THAT. There are many ingredients in this recipe, worth exploring, discussing.
This is soooo funny 😆 We literally bought a couch this weekend and it makes me SO HAPPY!!!! I used to be a minimalist and now I’m somewhere in the middle. Experiences AND pretty things make me HAPPY! Thank you for such a beautiful perspective! 🙏🏼
I appreciate this perspective so much. I'm a minimalist overall. I turn 40 this year and have never owned property, but I plan to do so (it's what I'm working toward now). I'm scared but also excited to have a place that is truly my own. That will definitely make me happy :) (and I'm already happy, so bonus!)
I LOVE my bed and bedding and pillow - so much I take the pillow or at least the pillow case with me when I travel.
I have definitely been an experience over things person but have anxiety about spending money on both (and spend waaaay too much time on the research). It's worse for things (that aren't consumable) because there's more of a reminder that I've spent the money by their physical ongoing presence and also because I struggle to get rid of anything (getting better!) and because I live in the shadow of a hoarder and get overwhelmed by too many things so it feels easier sometimes not to buy things.
Ask friends whose couches you like where they got them. So many sofas look old really quickly (and not in a good way). We bought from sofa.com here in the UK (after going into the store to sit on them) because two friends had them and they looked amazing after years, as does ours after five years until the lifetime guarantee just ran out. Apparently a lifetime is five years and I only realised this after a child drew a nice red mark on one arm. So it's slightly less or more amazing now, depending on your perspective.
"This couch is on a beach. What’s it doing there? No one knows. But maybe someone was really happy about having a place to sit and look away from the water." 🤣🤣🤣
The couch in a field brought back a memory that is still somewhat perplexing to me. This is, apparently, a thing in Montana. Driving down the highway, I saw countless houses with entire indoor living rooms cast outside. No one has ever been able to explain to me why this is, and I've never heard about it from anyone else... I've only ever seen it. If you or anyone else knows why this is a thing, I'd love a heads up! 🤣🤣🤣
This reminded me of when I used to custom paint and up-cycle furniture. A friend donated an old, beautiful bench that I restored and painted red. I tried to sell it by taking photos if it at random places - the beach, in the middle of an outdoor amphitheater and a pasture alongside buffalo.
It’s true what you say about sentimentality because I still have it even though I had plenty of opportunities to sell it.
Thank you for your perspective on things and experiences.
Also? I will never stop buying books. It would likely kill me to do so.
Yes!! We provide a home for the waifs and strays of the book world…
I love buying books and supporting indie bookstores...and we live in a small space. My solution? We do a book giveaway once a year to help clear out books; I'm only keeping what I'll re-read, and I've started buying books that others in my Buy Nothing Group want to read but the library has long hold lines! Oh and we have a little free library. I thought I wouldn't be as happy with less books, but I am. Too many packed into too small of a space stressed me out!
It can be a lot to have an excess of books, agreed. We had a little free library when we lived in LA, until someone stole it. (WHY???) I really miss it. I also do giveaways and lend books I‘m finished to people telling them to give them to someone else afterward. I only keep those I haven’t read or want to reread, too. It‘s just that I‘m lucky and really loved a lot of books... it‘s a good problem and I agree with you- it‘s always possible to find more. 🩷
Someone stole your little free library? That's horrible! I'm so sorry. And yes, also why? I'm glad that you love so many books! I tend to keep a lot more nonfiction, but it's nice having books around for videos in particular. A friend who I used to work at a bookstore with just asked me specifically for recommendations of books that made me a better person because she knew I was always reading books that made me think and changed my perspective. So I'm going to grab probably twenty off the shelves to share with her!
yes, books!
I agree. Although my wife might disagree 😀
2023 - I bought a couch. It fits my 5'4" frame as opposed to couches that I have owned where my feet didn't reach the floor. I ordered it in a turquoise fabric that is both retro and modern. It has brushed silver decorative trim. The color matches a jazzy painting on the wall. I waited ten months for it and the day that arrived I told my son to lie down and I took a picture of him laughing on my couch. The couch pleases me very much.
That sounds so lovely! I wish we could post pictures here.
Me too. Thank you!
Yes, furniture must fit owner's size. I don't understand it otherwise.
As a person with ADHD I simply can't remember allllll the great experiences I had. I sure know I had them, but most times I need photo proof what it was really like. But I can see the objects that bring me joy every day around me. That's what really keeps me alive - finding beauty and joy in every day objects, art, books, furniture, papeterie. For a very long time I felt bad about that. A material girl. But the more I indulge myself in interior design teachings the more I learn how necessary it is - especially for a person who needs to be stimulated - to evoke the emotions I crave. Nothing greater than a flashing pink sofa with patterned cushions, a pile of art books and a hot coffee in my hand. ☕🙂
Lena, I'm with you! Half the time I can't remember what happened last week! Now that I've been diagnosed with ADHD, it makes much more sense! I love having my "things" surround me; but lately I'm finding that there are so many things, that my favorite things are somewhat lost in the noise of it all - of course that could be attributed to the fact that I'm now on meds for my ADHD ;-). My grandmother always said, "A place for everything and everything in its place". I've always said, "I have too much everything and not enough place". I think when I can find that balance my surroundings will bring me more peace and joy. (I do love the sound of your sofa!!)
"I have too much everything and not enough place". Perfect! Stealing it 😁
Advice about how to live one's life ignores the fact that we are all individuals. My ex-husband and dear friend had a childhood full of uncertainty. His happiness rests in feeling secure at home. He doesn't want to go anywhere, he just wants to putter around his house, play his piano, read, and enjoy the company of his visiting family. "Experiences" are the last thing that would bring him happiness. A new book, now - that lights him up. I had a quiet, stable childhood and thrive on a wide range of travel and experiences. But that doesn't mean a new book won't light me up with joy, too.
If anyone goes couch shopping with me, they should know that said couch will be covered in cat hair mere moments after arriving in my home. 😻😻😻
This is such a timely post. I did a mega clearing of my clothes over the holidays. It was astonishing how much I had that I am genuinely happy to wear, once I cleared all the stuff that is no longer my style (or my size).
I decided not to buy any clothes in 2024 because I felt so well-equipped. But what I am letting myself buy? Fabric! Wow the joy I get from buying something fabric and actually making the new clothes. This has been a huge discovery.
So maybe it isn’t „don’t buy things“ but perhaps instead it‘s „how would it feel to buy different things?“
Yes on the cat hair!! We have 7 - so cat hair is a part of our daily lives 🤣🤣
Wow. Maybe you should have a cat hair couch.
😹😹😹
🤣 - Itchy!! I'm actually allergic to cats, and yet... 🤪
Seven!! wow- we have 3, and it‘s already full-on
Yeah, it wasn’t intentional… but the acquisition of 7 cats rarely is… 😁
🤣🤣🤣 I totally get it. We keep thinking the youngest cat needs a more energetic playmate, but then that you gest cat would need the same thing...it‘s a slippery slope. Thankfully one of our cats is definitely on the spectrum so we can hold the impulse off with „It would be way too much for Clyde.“
Poor Clyde ❤️. One of ours is older than dirt, 4 arrived via their mother, a stray a friend took in and was then unable to keep (and that was before they knew she was pregnant ;-), sadly we lost their Mom to cancer a couple of years ago. The last 2 showed up where I work. One was probably only about 8 weeks old, the other under a year. It's a somewhat chaotic, but happy bunch overall.
Wow! It‘s like days of our 9 lives over there
Our oldest, Hugo, is 8. A co-worker fostered his mom and his many brothers and sisters so we met him when his eyes were barely open. Clyde came from a friend‘s garden and when our previous third, Oskar died last year we adopted Drakula (he‘s from Romania, b+w, with prominent fangs and likes to bite necks).
Multiple cats happen
I'm an expert seamstress but I'm lazy. Right now I want to buy clothing completely done and made with well finished seams.
However buying fabric is exciting...oh the possibilities. I just read an article on how linen has a far higher vibration than other fabrics. I'd buy giant swathes of linen. If you like linen I have an excellent affordable source in Canada. Check out purelinenenvy.ca
I do love linen! I generally get it in Europe as we have to pay import fees that can get super high. However this could be an excellent treat to order when visiting family in the US- thank you!
Kudos to you for bucking the “feel good advice” trend. I love to buy things for myself, family and friends that enhance that persons life or joy. Like most things in life the key is moderation. most things are good to great when enjoyed in moderation including acquiring things and having experiences.
I recently bought a tiny electric fireplace, and it makes me absurdly happy. I've decked out a little nook in my office to be a cozy corner, especially nice in the winter. This tiny electric fireplace is nothing more than a jazzed up wax warmer, but it's so nice to watch on a winter evening. I've fallen asleep next to it a few times already.
An electric fireplace?? I've never heard of this and am actively researching now. 👀
The title on amazon dot com is this "Wax Melt Warmer Electric Melter - Electric Dynamic Flame Fireplace Wax Burner, Wax Melter for Scented Wax Melts with 4 timer, Flame Light Fragrance Wax Cubes Warmer Gift & Decor for Home Office Studio"
Oooh, I looked it up and I love it!! And I can't find my old wax burner (I know I used to have one somewhere...), and I have some waxes.... Well, Chris DID say it's OK to buy some things if they make us happy...
OMG!!! It’s so cute! I’ve added it to my new home list. Thank you for sharing this.
You can get lovely full size electric fireplaces too. https://www.fireplacejunction.com
Yes, a couch can even make you ridiculously happy. Along with several thousand other souls - mid-pandemic, we lost everything + our home in a massive wildfire. It's not "just stuff" - things are a personal history; a representation of who you are. Thank you for this countercultural (to social, anyway) piece.
Gail, that must have been absolutely gut-wrenching. I hope you find joy in the things you find to create your new personal history.
Thank you for your kind wishes - they are felt and appreciated.
Recovering from a natural disaster is vast beyond comprehension...
I cannot begin to imagine the strength and courage it takes to survive such a life-changing event.
I am so sorry!
Thank you, friend.
Chris, if we went couch shopping together, there are probably a few things you “should” (there’s that word again), know about me, and my general perspective on couches - which kind of applies to my life overall:
1. Comfort first. My home doesn’t look like something out of House Beautiful, and I’m more than a little OK with that. My home is for living in.
2. A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Despite comfort being the one criterion that rules them all, I don’t want to live in a dump. I love beautiful things and feel they enrich my life.
3. Cats… no explanation necessary other than the fact that we have 7. We seem to be a main portal for the Cat Distribution Center…
4. My couch, my rules. At 64, I’m finally comfortable enough in my own skin to have my own opinions and to stick up for myself. Of you don’t like my couch, or my rules, I know where there’s a great red couch on a beach…
Number 2 forever.
You got me! I buy mugs. Mostly from East Fork. Don't tell anyone.
Mugs make me so happy! I have to hold myself back from buying them. They’re like drinking from a little piece of art.
We have a family of East Fork bowls, 4 different colors that we each selected. This brings much joy to dinner time.
My perspective is that material things can bring pleasure rather than happiness. However, I do think that the ability to experience pleasure is one ingredient to happiness.
For me, the trouble comes when I try to substitute pleasure (which is easy and fast to attain) for actual happiness, which is complex, fleeting, and never guaranteed.
"However, I do think that the ability to experience pleasure is one ingredient to happiness." <-- THAT. There are many ingredients in this recipe, worth exploring, discussing.
This is soooo funny 😆 We literally bought a couch this weekend and it makes me SO HAPPY!!!! I used to be a minimalist and now I’m somewhere in the middle. Experiences AND pretty things make me HAPPY! Thank you for such a beautiful perspective! 🙏🏼
Congratulations on your new passport to happiness!! Or at least your new couch. 🛋️
I appreciate this perspective so much. I'm a minimalist overall. I turn 40 this year and have never owned property, but I plan to do so (it's what I'm working toward now). I'm scared but also excited to have a place that is truly my own. That will definitely make me happy :) (and I'm already happy, so bonus!)
That's exciting! Congrats, Victoria. Being "even more happy" sounds good to me.
I LOVE my bed and bedding and pillow - so much I take the pillow or at least the pillow case with me when I travel.
I have definitely been an experience over things person but have anxiety about spending money on both (and spend waaaay too much time on the research). It's worse for things (that aren't consumable) because there's more of a reminder that I've spent the money by their physical ongoing presence and also because I struggle to get rid of anything (getting better!) and because I live in the shadow of a hoarder and get overwhelmed by too many things so it feels easier sometimes not to buy things.
Ask friends whose couches you like where they got them. So many sofas look old really quickly (and not in a good way). We bought from sofa.com here in the UK (after going into the store to sit on them) because two friends had them and they looked amazing after years, as does ours after five years until the lifetime guarantee just ran out. Apparently a lifetime is five years and I only realised this after a child drew a nice red mark on one arm. So it's slightly less or more amazing now, depending on your perspective.
Jen, as a former slipcover maker....you just need matching arm covers. Problem solved.
😂 Annoyingly it’s on the side of the sofa that a slip cover wouldn’t conceal.
Anything can be concealed.
"This couch is on a beach. What’s it doing there? No one knows. But maybe someone was really happy about having a place to sit and look away from the water." 🤣🤣🤣
The couch in a field brought back a memory that is still somewhat perplexing to me. This is, apparently, a thing in Montana. Driving down the highway, I saw countless houses with entire indoor living rooms cast outside. No one has ever been able to explain to me why this is, and I've never heard about it from anyone else... I've only ever seen it. If you or anyone else knows why this is a thing, I'd love a heads up! 🤣🤣🤣
This reminded me of when I used to custom paint and up-cycle furniture. A friend donated an old, beautiful bench that I restored and painted red. I tried to sell it by taking photos if it at random places - the beach, in the middle of an outdoor amphitheater and a pasture alongside buffalo.
It’s true what you say about sentimentality because I still have it even though I had plenty of opportunities to sell it.
Thank you for your perspective on things and experiences.