What am I worried about right now? My daughter's impending double-mastectomy, followed by months of chemo. Which is an OK thing to worry about. My reframe? It was caught early, she's going to be in the hands (literally and figuratively) of some of the best breast cancer specialists on the East Coast, she's young and healthy (although, as she has pointed out - having cancer kind of belies the "healthy" part of that statement...)
As a general note on this post, I love the quote by Erin Hanson, What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
I also have to think twice about entrepreneur and even misspelled it again now, thanks goodness for spell check! It's those e's and r's being swapped. And I try not to worry, although I realize I could become more cautious than I have been in recent years. The ideal for me is to be conscientious and self-assured in how I present myself and my work, and then if there is judgement or a lack of resonance to allow it to be and trust the redirection because I did what I could on my end to show up with just the right balance of authenticity and professionalism for me.
One of my mottos is "The amount of energy you put into worrying about something does not count as effort expended towards solving the problem."
1. I'm worried I may have to dip into my savings or go deeper into debt to cover my bills at the start of next month.
2. Actually, it can be helpful. "Don't worry" isn't helpful when it's in the sense of "stop worrying; you're bumming me out" of course, but there are also cases when it means "it's okay to relax." ("Don't worry; I'll take care of it.")
3. There were a couple of times where I wasn't worried about my job security and was caught flatfooted when I was fired.
4. Anything with I-E in it, because no matter how many spelling tests I took in grade school, I had to write my name (S-H-E-I-L-A) at the top of the page, and E-before-I is the habit I developed.
Caribbean, battalion. I can never get right which one is doubled at first. And that's after 15+ years as a newspaper editor!
I actually - can - think of times I probably worried about things too little, and while I dealt with the fallout for them as successfully as I could when resulting problems arose, I do think there's something to "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."
Related, get your preventative health screenings if you are able, friends.
I like this reframing the worry exercise. Seems super helpful!
Right now I’m worried about my writing not being good enough. I’ve been a financial/crypto journalist and editor for over a decade, so I’m comfortable there, I think people like my work. But transitioning into more creative writing and personal writing, or even trying to transition into a new beat, I’ve run up against barriers in the past, not huge ones mind one (and certainly also successes), but even one little barrier can cause this wave of negative thinking... Like maybe I’m not good enough to be anything more than a silly tech reporter.
I think part of this is that my early career came so easy (for certainly many reasons but definitely a good amount of luck) and so now, when the career transition is hard, I’m well, a bit of a baby about it.
1. I am worried about getting a job now that I am moving back to the US. I am worried about getting the wrong job. I am worried about getting the right job, but then having to leave it because my kid might not be able to attend school. I'm worried about my kid not being able to attend school.
2. It's only helpful to be told not to worry if offered a viable alternative of what to think about instead. If I'm ruminating and it's keeping me from sleeping, I do tell myself that my worrying cannot possibly change anything right now and that I trust the rest of my brain to work on it while I sleep.
3. I'm not sure I've ever worried too little — I may have done too little, but still worried about it.
4. Let's see if I can spell this without having to look it up: maintenance. I think that's right. I always want to spell it closer to maintain, since, you know, they're related. It should be maintainence.
I don't worry, most of the time. I had to dig deep into this statement recently, when my son told me he and his wife were splitting up and I didn't sleep that night. I couldn't change that, it was their decision. So why was it keeping me up? Was it really "worrying" that I was doing? Turns out, it wasn't. I was just having trouble processing something, and I was feeling really sad and concerned that they hadn't tried counseling. (They've since reconciled and are attending counseling.) I feel concerned about some things, but that isn't the same as worrying. I live in Hurricane territory, and I know people that worry about whether or not we'll get a storm. I can solve that one -- we'll get a storm. Now -- what will you do about it? That's a totally different situation than Penny's down below (or up above, not sure how they'll stack), whose daughter has cancer. I'm pretty sure I'd worry about that too, but she knows how much is under the control of others. I have a mothr-in-law who constantly worries, but never takes action. I am concerned about a lot of things. I take action where I can and understand that I've done all I can. If I have a generator and fuel, adn I know how to cook without power, and I have insurance, a savings account, my important documents are in a fire safe, and my data is backed up to the cloud, I've really done all I can. Nothing else can be done till the storm leaves and we assess damage. And it doesnt' do me any good to worry over how much damage there might be, because I just can't predict it. I've done all I can.
4. When my daughter was in elementary school, she had a habit of glancing at words and haphazardly pronouncing them, often resulting in some funny moments. She was learning about basic economics in school, and she came across the word "entrepreneur." She glanced at it as she was reading aloud and said "enter-pooper." I was across the room and turned to see what the heck she was reading. Needless to say, in our family, we no longer need to know how to spell "entrepreneur." It is forever renamed as "enter-pooper."
I have really enjoyed leaning full on into my worries in a give-it-all-the-attention way. Once, though, just to alleviate pressure. If something is pestering me, it's for a reason, but my brain goes too far and catastrophizes. So I write them all down, get it all out, what could the worst all of it. Then mentally walk away and do the thing or wait.
I come back later and record what actually happened and what was true and what I overcame and experienced. It's mind-blowing how this process has helped me become more self aware. And it has allowed me to nod at the worry, give it space, but not allow it to rule me.
Tomorrow is the word that always gets me. Ironic that.
Very strange...I had an online interview yesterday evening and the same thoughts came to mind that you expressed in your article. And your email with the article was timely indeed!!
I'm currently completely paralysed about being given notice to move out of the home we've lived in for 13 years (this is the only house my son has known because we moved here when he was 2).
My dad is insisting we move into the house at the rear of his block that he's just finished building. We'll be moving in with him because he will be renovating the other house he's currently living in.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm completely grateful that he is offering us a brand new home to live in rent free. It's just that I'm 52 years old, I have a husband and a son and my dad is very controlling.
It's the fear of the unknown that is paralysing me. It's bringing up all my childhood issues and It's not a simple thing to just up and move again if we find that our personal relationships are suffering because we've moved in together.
I'm worried about how I'm going to cope being under scrutiny all day every day.
I love my dad, but I can only cope with small doses, and even small doses can sometimes be too much. That childhood feeling of inadequacy feels like it's drowning me and we haven't even moved yet - it feels crushing.
My son is excited to move and understandably, he gets more time to hang out with his grandfather and it's a new house and his bedroom is bigger, but he hasn't had to experience 52 years of feeling inadequate in my dads' eyes. Ugh.
I am trying my hardest to reframe the situation (usually I'm pretty good at this), but I feel it's the child in me that is freaking out. I think I'm going to need to see a therapist to deal with the childhood stuff because my reaction is beyond just moving house.
I'll do some journalling on the opposite of what I'm worried about. I'm sure that will help unclog some mind clutter.
I've 'not worried’ enough & a couple of times it’s really mattered - I’ve proceeded in good faith , assumed common ground etc and been wronged and hurt as a result. Apart from the damage, I felt naive and stupid as if my intelligence was undermined . . So in this reflection ‘worry’ can be seen as a positive thing , it can be the process of focusing, thinking through , not assuming, checking motivations, seeking confirmations , double checking. I have a high risk tolerance, and tend to take people as I find them , that’s maybe led to not worrying enough . I hate that these experiences have left me feeling suspicious of people - most of the time that’s not necessary .
“Worry” is a generic word for lots of underlying actions & emotions ( concern or panic) just like “anger” can be fury or frustration .. very different.
Digging into the underlying source is useful.
Bit of a ramble there sorry.
On the the other hand I do tend to act on worry , find solutions etc . My partner is a life long worrier who is waiting always “for a bad thing to happen” .
Commitment always trips me up, two Ts in the middle for me.
Worry about the future : anxiety
Worry about the past: depression
Either kind must be made positive for your present.
I worry about everything; I have been asking myself why I'm actually worried about it, what's the worst that can happen, sort of like what you're doing here, and I realized it's not really worry about the worst thing that can happen, it's more worry about the unexpected; I like knowing what will happen because I like control. But this is life! I can never REALLY know how things will shake out, and I'll likely turn out fine no matter what.
For example: I do ninja warrior competitions. Two weeks ago I had one on Saturday AND Sunday, and I had one this past Sunday. With three obstacles left in the first competition, I jumped to an obstacle landed weird, bruising the top of my foot and rolling my ankle. I finished the course (slowly!), used a pvc pipe as a Gandalf style staff to coach my friend who went a few after me, and then wore a brace the next day and only did as much as I could without injuring myself. I was mostly fine by the competition this weekend.
So yes, there was some worry when it happened because it was something new, but then I managed just fine. I have to remind myself of this often. And will probably now write about this more. Thanks for the idea!
Carousel is my current word I can't spell, though I've tried thinking of OUUU! because it's fun to be on the carousel and that's the part that often trips me up.
What am I worried about right now? My daughter's impending double-mastectomy, followed by months of chemo. Which is an OK thing to worry about. My reframe? It was caught early, she's going to be in the hands (literally and figuratively) of some of the best breast cancer specialists on the East Coast, she's young and healthy (although, as she has pointed out - having cancer kind of belies the "healthy" part of that statement...)
As a general note on this post, I love the quote by Erin Hanson, What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
The worry we do about our kids is a whole other planet
I also have to think twice about entrepreneur and even misspelled it again now, thanks goodness for spell check! It's those e's and r's being swapped. And I try not to worry, although I realize I could become more cautious than I have been in recent years. The ideal for me is to be conscientious and self-assured in how I present myself and my work, and then if there is judgement or a lack of resonance to allow it to be and trust the redirection because I did what I could on my end to show up with just the right balance of authenticity and professionalism for me.
I have a worry list: capture my worries and then check to see which actually happened: here’s a brief article about the process https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/worry-list-staying-present-face-uncertainty-gary-hirsch?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios&utm_campaign=share_via
Great idea. I will try this for my next trip.
I really dig this. Thanks!
Worrying about not doing all the things (converse, what if I do all the things and have too much going on)
I misspell accommodation, recommendation, recipe, calendar, and ketchup
One of my mottos is "The amount of energy you put into worrying about something does not count as effort expended towards solving the problem."
1. I'm worried I may have to dip into my savings or go deeper into debt to cover my bills at the start of next month.
2. Actually, it can be helpful. "Don't worry" isn't helpful when it's in the sense of "stop worrying; you're bumming me out" of course, but there are also cases when it means "it's okay to relax." ("Don't worry; I'll take care of it.")
3. There were a couple of times where I wasn't worried about my job security and was caught flatfooted when I was fired.
4. Anything with I-E in it, because no matter how many spelling tests I took in grade school, I had to write my name (S-H-E-I-L-A) at the top of the page, and E-before-I is the habit I developed.
Caribbean, battalion. I can never get right which one is doubled at first. And that's after 15+ years as a newspaper editor!
I actually - can - think of times I probably worried about things too little, and while I dealt with the fallout for them as successfully as I could when resulting problems arose, I do think there's something to "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."
Related, get your preventative health screenings if you are able, friends.
I like this reframing the worry exercise. Seems super helpful!
Right now I’m worried about my writing not being good enough. I’ve been a financial/crypto journalist and editor for over a decade, so I’m comfortable there, I think people like my work. But transitioning into more creative writing and personal writing, or even trying to transition into a new beat, I’ve run up against barriers in the past, not huge ones mind one (and certainly also successes), but even one little barrier can cause this wave of negative thinking... Like maybe I’m not good enough to be anything more than a silly tech reporter.
I think part of this is that my early career came so easy (for certainly many reasons but definitely a good amount of luck) and so now, when the career transition is hard, I’m well, a bit of a baby about it.
Be a baby all you want; there, I gave you permission! Just do not let it last long!
1. I am worried about getting a job now that I am moving back to the US. I am worried about getting the wrong job. I am worried about getting the right job, but then having to leave it because my kid might not be able to attend school. I'm worried about my kid not being able to attend school.
2. It's only helpful to be told not to worry if offered a viable alternative of what to think about instead. If I'm ruminating and it's keeping me from sleeping, I do tell myself that my worrying cannot possibly change anything right now and that I trust the rest of my brain to work on it while I sleep.
3. I'm not sure I've ever worried too little — I may have done too little, but still worried about it.
4. Let's see if I can spell this without having to look it up: maintenance. I think that's right. I always want to spell it closer to maintain, since, you know, they're related. It should be maintainence.
I don't worry, most of the time. I had to dig deep into this statement recently, when my son told me he and his wife were splitting up and I didn't sleep that night. I couldn't change that, it was their decision. So why was it keeping me up? Was it really "worrying" that I was doing? Turns out, it wasn't. I was just having trouble processing something, and I was feeling really sad and concerned that they hadn't tried counseling. (They've since reconciled and are attending counseling.) I feel concerned about some things, but that isn't the same as worrying. I live in Hurricane territory, and I know people that worry about whether or not we'll get a storm. I can solve that one -- we'll get a storm. Now -- what will you do about it? That's a totally different situation than Penny's down below (or up above, not sure how they'll stack), whose daughter has cancer. I'm pretty sure I'd worry about that too, but she knows how much is under the control of others. I have a mothr-in-law who constantly worries, but never takes action. I am concerned about a lot of things. I take action where I can and understand that I've done all I can. If I have a generator and fuel, adn I know how to cook without power, and I have insurance, a savings account, my important documents are in a fire safe, and my data is backed up to the cloud, I've really done all I can. Nothing else can be done till the storm leaves and we assess damage. And it doesnt' do me any good to worry over how much damage there might be, because I just can't predict it. I've done all I can.
4. When my daughter was in elementary school, she had a habit of glancing at words and haphazardly pronouncing them, often resulting in some funny moments. She was learning about basic economics in school, and she came across the word "entrepreneur." She glanced at it as she was reading aloud and said "enter-pooper." I was across the room and turned to see what the heck she was reading. Needless to say, in our family, we no longer need to know how to spell "entrepreneur." It is forever renamed as "enter-pooper."
I have really enjoyed leaning full on into my worries in a give-it-all-the-attention way. Once, though, just to alleviate pressure. If something is pestering me, it's for a reason, but my brain goes too far and catastrophizes. So I write them all down, get it all out, what could the worst all of it. Then mentally walk away and do the thing or wait.
I come back later and record what actually happened and what was true and what I overcame and experienced. It's mind-blowing how this process has helped me become more self aware. And it has allowed me to nod at the worry, give it space, but not allow it to rule me.
Tomorrow is the word that always gets me. Ironic that.
Very strange...I had an online interview yesterday evening and the same thoughts came to mind that you expressed in your article. And your email with the article was timely indeed!!
I'm currently completely paralysed about being given notice to move out of the home we've lived in for 13 years (this is the only house my son has known because we moved here when he was 2).
My dad is insisting we move into the house at the rear of his block that he's just finished building. We'll be moving in with him because he will be renovating the other house he's currently living in.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm completely grateful that he is offering us a brand new home to live in rent free. It's just that I'm 52 years old, I have a husband and a son and my dad is very controlling.
It's the fear of the unknown that is paralysing me. It's bringing up all my childhood issues and It's not a simple thing to just up and move again if we find that our personal relationships are suffering because we've moved in together.
I'm worried about how I'm going to cope being under scrutiny all day every day.
I love my dad, but I can only cope with small doses, and even small doses can sometimes be too much. That childhood feeling of inadequacy feels like it's drowning me and we haven't even moved yet - it feels crushing.
My son is excited to move and understandably, he gets more time to hang out with his grandfather and it's a new house and his bedroom is bigger, but he hasn't had to experience 52 years of feeling inadequate in my dads' eyes. Ugh.
I am trying my hardest to reframe the situation (usually I'm pretty good at this), but I feel it's the child in me that is freaking out. I think I'm going to need to see a therapist to deal with the childhood stuff because my reaction is beyond just moving house.
I'll do some journalling on the opposite of what I'm worried about. I'm sure that will help unclog some mind clutter.
How about having a back-up plan you & spouse agree to ahead of time, and only move the necessities? Store the rest!
I've 'not worried’ enough & a couple of times it’s really mattered - I’ve proceeded in good faith , assumed common ground etc and been wronged and hurt as a result. Apart from the damage, I felt naive and stupid as if my intelligence was undermined . . So in this reflection ‘worry’ can be seen as a positive thing , it can be the process of focusing, thinking through , not assuming, checking motivations, seeking confirmations , double checking. I have a high risk tolerance, and tend to take people as I find them , that’s maybe led to not worrying enough . I hate that these experiences have left me feeling suspicious of people - most of the time that’s not necessary .
“Worry” is a generic word for lots of underlying actions & emotions ( concern or panic) just like “anger” can be fury or frustration .. very different.
Digging into the underlying source is useful.
Bit of a ramble there sorry.
On the the other hand I do tend to act on worry , find solutions etc . My partner is a life long worrier who is waiting always “for a bad thing to happen” .
Commitment always trips me up, two Ts in the middle for me.
Worry about the future : anxiety
Worry about the past: depression
Either kind must be made positive for your present.
The times I did not worry enough were times I was following my heart . As if following my heart was some sort of guarantee of success!
Or insulation from unwanted outcomes! Yikes!
I worry about everything; I have been asking myself why I'm actually worried about it, what's the worst that can happen, sort of like what you're doing here, and I realized it's not really worry about the worst thing that can happen, it's more worry about the unexpected; I like knowing what will happen because I like control. But this is life! I can never REALLY know how things will shake out, and I'll likely turn out fine no matter what.
For example: I do ninja warrior competitions. Two weeks ago I had one on Saturday AND Sunday, and I had one this past Sunday. With three obstacles left in the first competition, I jumped to an obstacle landed weird, bruising the top of my foot and rolling my ankle. I finished the course (slowly!), used a pvc pipe as a Gandalf style staff to coach my friend who went a few after me, and then wore a brace the next day and only did as much as I could without injuring myself. I was mostly fine by the competition this weekend.
So yes, there was some worry when it happened because it was something new, but then I managed just fine. I have to remind myself of this often. And will probably now write about this more. Thanks for the idea!
Carousel is my current word I can't spell, though I've tried thinking of OUUU! because it's fun to be on the carousel and that's the part that often trips me up.