I decided to approach this by thinking about the things I wanted as a kid to do as an adult, then I moved on:
[things I wanted to do as a kid and have accomplished]
I learned a foreign language fluently enough to have philosophical conversations and read the news and literature.
I live in Europe.
I have a doctorate degree.
I make music for a living.
I play well enough that people ask me to be involved in their projects.
I live in a yellow building with a turret (which is part of my apartment).
I’ve spent time in Italy, which I was fascinated with as a kid (probably because it’s so recognizable on a map and because we would go to the North End for pizza).
[relationships]
I’ve always had good friends.
I have a fantastic wife.
I’ve had the opportunity to involve people in my projects or recommend them to others.
[showing up for someone]
My kid. I mean, it has been far from perfect, but I’ve learned a lot about what he needs (and through that what other people need, which is loving observation much of the time) and I am seeing him become calmer.
[a hard thing] [pride]
I had a flute teacher from whom I didn’t get what I needed and I didn’t understand what she was trying to give. There was a big communication issue — not just with me, but with all the students. She would never get mad or yell or even really berate you, but she would always be very disappointed and convinced that you didn’t have your priorities straight. needless to say, it took me a long time to get that person out of my head, but there was something inside me — I was convinced that I could be a good enough musician and I kept at it. I found a teacher after I graduated who was able to explain everything that was missing from my playing in a way that was encouraging, like anybody can do this. through that I was able to let go of what I did not get from the previous teacher. (Many of my colleagues, thankfully, were able to figure this out for themselves, too). I am glad that I stuck to my guns, found help, and worked it out.
1. I have never made a bucket list. I'm not sure I want to, but I'll think about it some more.
2. I think I am constantly rotating between past, present, and future at a pretty rapid pace. This may need some attention.
3. Becoming the kind of musician I've always wanted to be.
This has been super important to my mental growth, discharging shame around what I *haven't* done yet by intentionally focusing on what I *have* done and what worked well. I make a point of not just acknowledging it but celebrating, even if just with a dance session by myself. I also have been practicing some self-aggrandizing since my habit is always self-deprecation.
I have a Done List! A monthly list of accomplishments in various life areas. It’s a great way for me to actually acknowledge everything that I’ve done and accomplished; without it, I can quickly forget all that I’ve done.
This is a benefit of doing some form of bullet journaling too, the ability to flick back through the pages and see “ooh I remember doing that, that was actually smart!” 😄
1. Bucket lists are rooted in the who-dies-with-the-most-interesting-life-wins mentality that I have such distaste for. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for interesting lives, but some experience-seekers tend to stomp over people and cultures in the name of self-gratification.
2. I live in my head a lot, and not only does it veer wildly among past, present, and future, it wanders into places and situations that don't even exist.
3. I have a picture at my desk of the first time I met Duran Duran. It's a long story how I got there, but suffice to say it was because of something I created winning a competition. I'm proud of myself for what I created, and how I put myself out there to try and win.
The main thing for me is not an outcome, it’s a process. I’ve done close to 7,000 hours of Internal Family Systems (IFS) psychotherapy on myself over the past 22 years.
I used to keep track using an app that tallied the hours, but it was pretty time-consuming to track the time, and parts of me thought that was a waste of time!
But this post gives me permission to maybe pick back up on tallying the hours, because it’s satisfying to see just how much work I’ve put in over the decades.
7000 hours is just my best guess because I quit doing the exact math a few years ago. I know that since I’m doing roughly 2 hours a day / 14 hours a week that it’s around (14 x 52 = 728) 700 hours a year, but where am I really at?
Every good thing in my life is the result of doing the deep inner work to heal my trauma and organize my consciousness; to bring what is unconscious up into consciousness— to clear out the garbage and lies other people & society deposited into me and to come back into alignment with what is true.
Every hour of IFS I do/have done is a deposit into my inner bank of well-being. Thanks for giving me deeper permission to appreciate all the work I’ve put in and even more motivation to persist!
One thing? I'm getting older and allowing myself to be proud of myself more often. :-)
I'm proud of myself for totally pivoting on my small business. The one I just couldn't get off the ground because it was the one I thought I "should" be doing (that word has a LOT to answer for). I finally listened to my gut/heart/stomach/intuition/muse - whatever - I listened and pivoted toward what I know is right. Not only is it fulfilling, but it's going to help a lot of women, including me. It's going to help me help my family by raising us to the point where we don't need to start a GoFundMe to help cover expenses like lots of gas, car repairs, travel expenses, the electric bill, the mortgage, groceries, etc. because of the wages I'll be losing as I support my daughter who's going through cancer treatment. So, yeah. I'm proud of walking away from "should" coming from the outside, and listening to "must" coming from the inside.
I'm proud of myself for firing a therapist who believes that being LBGTQ+ is a choice. My daughter is ACE, trust me, I know it's not a choice for her or for the other millions of people in the LGBTQ+ community. I'm also proud of myself for getting therapy in the first place.
I'm proud of myself for admitting that I want more. That I'm tired of always feeling that there's not enough and there never will be. Living like that for decades had kind of smothered any dreams I used to have. Well, at age 65, I decided F*ck that - I'm excavating my dreams (I would say "dusting off", but they're buried way deeper than that), and taking small steps to move myself out of this quagmire of self-doubt and poverty thinking that's been my realm of existence of late.
Oh yeah, I'm proud of myself for putting all of this out here. Being vulnerable AF is definitely something to be proud of.
My greatest accomplishment is having raised three incredibly thoughtful, kind, caring, independent and self-sufficient children that are good human beings who make the world a better place. I wanted to be available and present for all their important moments in life, big or small. Everything else is just gravy.
I keep a list each year titled "Running List of Accomplishments." I use it to keep track of any kind of projects, experiences, and accomplishments that occur during the year. I realized at some point that I was keeping track of my progress on goals and ambitions I set at the beginning of the year, but that these usually only account for a fraction of the things I accomplish - life always comes up with new stuff to be done, and it's often worth remembering, or at least acknowledging.
Last year's list includes items like, "Rearranged home office area," "Replaced drive gear in robot vacuum," "Attended a Chicago Opera Festival production," and "Made crochet beanbags for my nephews' Christmas gifts."
Despite a lot of physical health crap, I earned my second-degree black belt in tae kwon do and tang soo do a few years ago! I don't know if a third degree will happen or not, but I am just incredibly proud that I accomplished this (and kept training afterward, didn't quit!)
In a miniature way, I do this on a daily basis if my inner critic is super loud. I make a list called "wins for the day" and it's to help me be mindful and recognise the good and shift away from a lack mindset or always striving and not being content.
- What have you done that’s interesting or different? (By your own standards, of course.) Decided to take radical inventory of what wants to be expressed through my work that both serves and ignites.
- What have you got right with relationships? Setting healthy boundaries and communicating them as a win-win for the relationship. Feeling rooted in them even if someone pushes against them.
- What’s something you feel especially proud of? Taking some of my purely IRL stuff online. The content is there but now if I host a talk I will record it and repurpose it as a podcast episode so it's not only for those people to learn from in that one space in time.
- How have you shown up for someone important—either yourself or someone you care for?
- What’s a hard thing you managed to see through and overcome? Feeling connected in a new city, still a work in progress here in Austin, but 11 months in have hosted a couple of successful events and creating the community I wish to experience.
Excellent idea! I never look back and give myself credit for all I’ve done. And your suggestion to use the list as inspiration for pursuing similar or deeper opportunities - that’s genius! Thank you
I got out of bed this morning
I decided to approach this by thinking about the things I wanted as a kid to do as an adult, then I moved on:
[things I wanted to do as a kid and have accomplished]
I learned a foreign language fluently enough to have philosophical conversations and read the news and literature.
I live in Europe.
I have a doctorate degree.
I make music for a living.
I play well enough that people ask me to be involved in their projects.
I live in a yellow building with a turret (which is part of my apartment).
I’ve spent time in Italy, which I was fascinated with as a kid (probably because it’s so recognizable on a map and because we would go to the North End for pizza).
[relationships]
I’ve always had good friends.
I have a fantastic wife.
I’ve had the opportunity to involve people in my projects or recommend them to others.
[showing up for someone]
My kid. I mean, it has been far from perfect, but I’ve learned a lot about what he needs (and through that what other people need, which is loving observation much of the time) and I am seeing him become calmer.
[a hard thing] [pride]
I had a flute teacher from whom I didn’t get what I needed and I didn’t understand what she was trying to give. There was a big communication issue — not just with me, but with all the students. She would never get mad or yell or even really berate you, but she would always be very disappointed and convinced that you didn’t have your priorities straight. needless to say, it took me a long time to get that person out of my head, but there was something inside me — I was convinced that I could be a good enough musician and I kept at it. I found a teacher after I graduated who was able to explain everything that was missing from my playing in a way that was encouraging, like anybody can do this. through that I was able to let go of what I did not get from the previous teacher. (Many of my colleagues, thankfully, were able to figure this out for themselves, too). I am glad that I stuck to my guns, found help, and worked it out.
1. I have never made a bucket list. I'm not sure I want to, but I'll think about it some more.
2. I think I am constantly rotating between past, present, and future at a pretty rapid pace. This may need some attention.
3. Becoming the kind of musician I've always wanted to be.
This has been super important to my mental growth, discharging shame around what I *haven't* done yet by intentionally focusing on what I *have* done and what worked well. I make a point of not just acknowledging it but celebrating, even if just with a dance session by myself. I also have been practicing some self-aggrandizing since my habit is always self-deprecation.
I have a Done List! A monthly list of accomplishments in various life areas. It’s a great way for me to actually acknowledge everything that I’ve done and accomplished; without it, I can quickly forget all that I’ve done.
This is a benefit of doing some form of bullet journaling too, the ability to flick back through the pages and see “ooh I remember doing that, that was actually smart!” 😄
1. Bucket lists are rooted in the who-dies-with-the-most-interesting-life-wins mentality that I have such distaste for. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for interesting lives, but some experience-seekers tend to stomp over people and cultures in the name of self-gratification.
2. I live in my head a lot, and not only does it veer wildly among past, present, and future, it wanders into places and situations that don't even exist.
3. I have a picture at my desk of the first time I met Duran Duran. It's a long story how I got there, but suffice to say it was because of something I created winning a competition. I'm proud of myself for what I created, and how I put myself out there to try and win.
The main thing for me is not an outcome, it’s a process. I’ve done close to 7,000 hours of Internal Family Systems (IFS) psychotherapy on myself over the past 22 years.
I used to keep track using an app that tallied the hours, but it was pretty time-consuming to track the time, and parts of me thought that was a waste of time!
But this post gives me permission to maybe pick back up on tallying the hours, because it’s satisfying to see just how much work I’ve put in over the decades.
7000 hours is just my best guess because I quit doing the exact math a few years ago. I know that since I’m doing roughly 2 hours a day / 14 hours a week that it’s around (14 x 52 = 728) 700 hours a year, but where am I really at?
Every good thing in my life is the result of doing the deep inner work to heal my trauma and organize my consciousness; to bring what is unconscious up into consciousness— to clear out the garbage and lies other people & society deposited into me and to come back into alignment with what is true.
Every hour of IFS I do/have done is a deposit into my inner bank of well-being. Thanks for giving me deeper permission to appreciate all the work I’ve put in and even more motivation to persist!
One thing? I'm getting older and allowing myself to be proud of myself more often. :-)
I'm proud of myself for totally pivoting on my small business. The one I just couldn't get off the ground because it was the one I thought I "should" be doing (that word has a LOT to answer for). I finally listened to my gut/heart/stomach/intuition/muse - whatever - I listened and pivoted toward what I know is right. Not only is it fulfilling, but it's going to help a lot of women, including me. It's going to help me help my family by raising us to the point where we don't need to start a GoFundMe to help cover expenses like lots of gas, car repairs, travel expenses, the electric bill, the mortgage, groceries, etc. because of the wages I'll be losing as I support my daughter who's going through cancer treatment. So, yeah. I'm proud of walking away from "should" coming from the outside, and listening to "must" coming from the inside.
I'm proud of myself for firing a therapist who believes that being LBGTQ+ is a choice. My daughter is ACE, trust me, I know it's not a choice for her or for the other millions of people in the LGBTQ+ community. I'm also proud of myself for getting therapy in the first place.
I'm proud of myself for admitting that I want more. That I'm tired of always feeling that there's not enough and there never will be. Living like that for decades had kind of smothered any dreams I used to have. Well, at age 65, I decided F*ck that - I'm excavating my dreams (I would say "dusting off", but they're buried way deeper than that), and taking small steps to move myself out of this quagmire of self-doubt and poverty thinking that's been my realm of existence of late.
Oh yeah, I'm proud of myself for putting all of this out here. Being vulnerable AF is definitely something to be proud of.
My greatest accomplishment is having raised three incredibly thoughtful, kind, caring, independent and self-sufficient children that are good human beings who make the world a better place. I wanted to be available and present for all their important moments in life, big or small. Everything else is just gravy.
I keep a list each year titled "Running List of Accomplishments." I use it to keep track of any kind of projects, experiences, and accomplishments that occur during the year. I realized at some point that I was keeping track of my progress on goals and ambitions I set at the beginning of the year, but that these usually only account for a fraction of the things I accomplish - life always comes up with new stuff to be done, and it's often worth remembering, or at least acknowledging.
Last year's list includes items like, "Rearranged home office area," "Replaced drive gear in robot vacuum," "Attended a Chicago Opera Festival production," and "Made crochet beanbags for my nephews' Christmas gifts."
I don't really try to strive and make amazing things. That is okay, I am okay, and I accept that my own issues are indeed my own.
Despite a lot of physical health crap, I earned my second-degree black belt in tae kwon do and tang soo do a few years ago! I don't know if a third degree will happen or not, but I am just incredibly proud that I accomplished this (and kept training afterward, didn't quit!)
In a miniature way, I do this on a daily basis if my inner critic is super loud. I make a list called "wins for the day" and it's to help me be mindful and recognise the good and shift away from a lack mindset or always striving and not being content.
- What have you done that’s interesting or different? (By your own standards, of course.) Decided to take radical inventory of what wants to be expressed through my work that both serves and ignites.
- What have you got right with relationships? Setting healthy boundaries and communicating them as a win-win for the relationship. Feeling rooted in them even if someone pushes against them.
- What’s something you feel especially proud of? Taking some of my purely IRL stuff online. The content is there but now if I host a talk I will record it and repurpose it as a podcast episode so it's not only for those people to learn from in that one space in time.
- How have you shown up for someone important—either yourself or someone you care for?
- What’s a hard thing you managed to see through and overcome? Feeling connected in a new city, still a work in progress here in Austin, but 11 months in have hosted a couple of successful events and creating the community I wish to experience.
Excellent idea! I never look back and give myself credit for all I’ve done. And your suggestion to use the list as inspiration for pursuing similar or deeper opportunities - that’s genius! Thank you
I love this. Thank you, Chris!