What I learned from Taking a Gamble on Myself
My takeaways from a five day writing retreat in Maryland's Catoctin Mountains
This week, I embarked on a 5-day creative writing retreat in rural Maryland with eight strangers. I have to admit, I had no idea what to expect. Before doing this retreat, I wouldn't have called myself a writer and felt a bit of angst and imposter syndrome at the idea of being in a room with a group of people who would undoubtedly be more experienced than I. I’m thrilled to report that my worst expectations quickly evaporated and were replaced by a wonderful learning experience.
What followed was one of the most impactful weeks of my adult life. I learned about the craft and mechanics of writing and the diverse writing styles of my peers in the program, and most of all, I learned a great deal about myself.
I entered this week with dwindling confidence about my capabilities and am leaving with the unshakable certainty that I am a writer and doing this work is where I belong. As I head home, I can proudly say that I’m working on a novel and several other pieces. Quite the change in perspective!
Here are my top takeaways from this magical week on the farm:
Vulnerability is a powerful connector
When I arrived at the retreat, I quickly learned I wasn’t the only one who was nervous about being there. From the first day, we quickly broke the ice, sharing our fears about the experience and commiserating our shared angst. That vulnerability unlocked everything for the rest of the week and facilitated an environment of trust and open sharing.
Throughout the week, we bonded over stories of heartbreak and love, death and new life, and the powerful impact of friendships. None of that rich conversation, or the learning from it, would have been made possible without our willingness to trust and be trusted. We came in as complete strangers; vulnerability helped us leave as a community.
Imposter syndrome is a trick we play on ourselves
There is no such thing as being an imposter in your own body. If you write, you’re a writer. If you dance, you’re a dancer. If you sing, you’re a singer. We get so hung up on waiting until we have the “right” level of experience or expertise to engage in activities that might help us form relationships with others around the things we love.
If there is anything I've learned from this week, it's to stop talking myself out of doing the activities that might bring me fulfillment. It has taught me to shove down that inner voice that downplays my abilities and remain open to a new world of possibilities.
Aging is a gift
I was honored by the opportunity to learn from women of all ages and experiences. I questioned what I might bring to the table as a millennial (probably because we get such a bad rep…), particularly while surrounded by the wisdom of those older than me. I learned this week that I have rich life experiences to share, even if I don’t have as many of them.
One of the themes of this week is how each of us is handling the aging process. Hearing firsthand how these women have navigated the challenges of life, from caring for aging family members to raising children and continuing education, was incredibly inspiring. For women, aging can be a sensitive subject. The societal messages we receive about our utility as people once we surpass the age of 30 can be disheartening and downright nasty. It was a pleasure to be in the presence of women who push back on those expectations and embrace the gifts that aging can bring us.
Creativity can flow from unexpected places
Having unlimited time this week to tap into my creativity and learn more about my creative process was truly priceless. I learned the conditions under which I write best, my writing style, and even the random things that can inspire me. Just walking around the farm, strolling past the sheep and donkeys, admiring the plants and laying on the grass lawn gave my mind a rest and allowed me the space to think of new ideas and angles for my writing.
I also found that while I thought I’d do my best writing alone, I thoroughly enjoyed writing with a group. Our brilliant instructor, Diana, led the group through a number of unexpectedly challenging writing prompts during our twice-daily learning sessions. One of my favorites was when we all wrote an opening line to a story, exchanged them anonymously, and wrote stories based on the lines we received. That exercise inspired me to write two pages of the novel I’m working on.
Trusting yourself can enable incredible breakthroughs
I would have never known this week's impact on me if I hadn’t trusted myself and my abilities enough to try. As I’ve mentioned in these newsletters, I have really struggled with that. Leading up to this week, I had moments of doubt. I considered leaning into the distrust of myself, but instead, I pushed past that, and the reward has been immense.
If you take nothing else from this newsletter, I hope you’ll take away that whatever you want to do but are hesitating about, do it. Open yourself to the universe, make your intentions known, and let it rise to meet you. You’ll be surprised by what you might learn about yourself and what you’ll learn from the people around you.
Bonus takeaway: Overalls are the perfect outfit. I haven’t worn them since I was 12, but I’m happy to report that they’re just as comfy, cozy, and free as I remembered.
I admittedly have not been very online this week, but here are a few things that caught my interest:
The Novelist Whose Inventions Went Too Far: I bookmarked this longform article from The New Yorker a year ago but never had time to finish reading it. In the quiet moments of this week, I revisited it, and I’m so glad I did. The article is about Hache Carrillo, a writer and former GWU professor who lived a fabricated life, which was discovered after he died in 2020. Carillo was a celebrated author who wrote about the Afro-Latino experience. The only problem was that he wasn’t Afro-Latino and had largely made up his entire background, including where he grew up and his family life. The article raises poignant questions about the impacts of lying on family and legacy.
Serial Season 4: I screamed with delight when I saw that the Serial podcast was back. I’ve been hooked on this podcast since the first season aired in 2014. Each season of Serial is so well-researched and reported that it takes forever for them to come out, but it is an incredible body of work when they do. This season is about the troubling history of Guantanamo Bay, as told through the people who worked there.
Kitchen Confidential: I’ve long wanted to read Anthony Bourdain’s funny and biting memoir from 2000 but only started it this week. I was a big Bourdain fan. I’ve seen every episode of his shows Parts Unknown and No Reservations at least twice. His particular brand of candid humor is on full display in Kitchen Confidential. He makes even the most mundane parts of the culinary world, like dishwashing, funny and exciting to read about.
That’s it for this week!
Until next time.
J