Who’s here for the haiku contest? Haiku entries should be on this theme: the innermost musings of Donald J. Trump as he attends his criminal trial in Manhattan. The finalists will be published in a future Borowitz Report Sunday Read and the grand prize winner will receive a signed copy of my book, PROFILES IN IGNORANCE.
About MTG - “… I started breaking out in hives.” That’s priceless! Also “… maybe Jew-ish, like George Santos.”- Thanks for this one, Andy. I love waking up to your posts. Smiling is a great way to start my day!
Marge is in good company with regard to her allergy to our tribe. We wouldn't want her anyway: she lacks not only a worn library card but probably also family heirloom recipes for chicken soup and brisket.
I think she shames EVERY tribe, including her own! I’m neither Jewish nor Jew-ish, but I find her shameful. A worm definitely ate her brain, but then, I heard, regurgitated.
I am over 80 years old and I have never met a Jew named Jesus. Every Jesus I have met has been Latino. MTG can relax because Jesus was not a Jew he was Mexican.
Who’s here for the haiku contest? Haiku entries should be on this theme: the innermost musings of Donald J. Trump as he attends his criminal trial in Manhattan. The finalists will be published in a future Borowitz Report Sunday Read and the grand prize winner will receive a signed copy of my book, PROFILES IN IGNORANCE.
Now that I understand it is what TRUMP is musing...
Breathtaking blond locks
Mountainous hanging titties
Damn, I look so good!
Sixty dollar book
I never read or followed
Just the sexy parts.
Inspired!!
Silent but deadly.
Nothing but TAB.
Where’s my Roy Cohn?
—-
The great man grows weary
Fatigue seeps out, along with clouds
Of methane. Why are there no crowds?
45’s eyes are bleary.
In the gilded, taste-less Tower
The escalator still runs down
Also rundown is the crown
Of MAGA power.
Scotch-taped neckwear comes unglued
Dangles, now you’re in the soup
Aerosol of vilest poop
You were nailed, and now you’re screwed.
5-7-5 😁
Thanks 🙏
When emoji use is the icing on the cake
They call it “hush” money.
So why don’t they shut up now?
It’s time for my nap.
Stormy Daniels's hot
So was Mary Magdalene
Feeling biblical!
One two eyes squeezed shut
Puckered tight please don't fart now
Too late but smells great
Juror Number 5 --
Caught her looking when I stood.
She thinks I’m so hot!
Will they cut my hair ,
My luscious, golden tresses,
When I am locked up?
You know I'm sexy!
You know you want to f*ck me!
Here...have a burger.
I should not be here!
This witch-hunt is so pointless
I'll snooze through these lies.
I was a Sex God
In my awesome silk PJs
I need to fart now
I have a Corrupt
And Highly Conflicted Judge
Imposing the law
I can rule from jail
I mean– I’ll be president
There’s no law saying “no”
For lunch a Big Mac
Super size with a milkshake
Yum, yum, yum, witch hunt
I did nothing wrong.
I am not accountable.
Just ask all my wives.
Delay my “cases”.
What cases? There are no cases!
I did nothing wrong.
No sleep, so unfair.
No TV news to rage at!
Eight Amendment, please?
About MTG - “… I started breaking out in hives.” That’s priceless! Also “… maybe Jew-ish, like George Santos.”- Thanks for this one, Andy. I love waking up to your posts. Smiling is a great way to start my day!
Glad this is working for you! I love being on Substack where I can write without adult supervision 😀
And the congregation says "Amen!"
we sure do!!!
You do so well without adult supervision, Andy. Anyway, adult supervision very often is overestimated!
Kinda makes getting up in the morning a happier experience, doesn’t it?? 😊
I liked being spanked
Stormy gave me a good one
I want another
This got my morning off to a great start! Thank you.
Not a haiku! First line has only 4 syllables.
Please count more carefully- I liked be-ing spanked. That’s 5 syllables Georgianne. Let’s hear yours now!!
No worms in my brain
Protective deep cleanse with bleach
I must close my eyes
In a courtroom's glow,
Trump dodges papers that fly—
Stormy weather strikes! 👀
Unfair! Witch-hunt! Lies!
Hamberders Ketchup Diet Coke
Mean judge! Pretty Ivanka.
Sounds exactly like his inner mind! But it’s 5,8,7 and haikus have to be 5,7,5.
You must not be a Southerner. It's pronounced "dite"-- one syllable.
My hair is on fire
My retribution "stormy"
My trial is rigged
Why am I here now?
I should be golfing with friends
I always beat them
Your haiku also works if you change “beat” to “cheat” 🤔
Love it!!
luckily for MTG ( pronounced Empty Gee) she can poke Trump's sharpie into her empty skull and X out that tiny fact so there is more room for delusion.
Everyone loves me
And even storms won’t stop me!
You wanted it, girl.
I think you truly captured what Trump’s innermost musings could be !
He should be so lucky as to someday be reflective enough to muse, and deep enough to have anything qualify as ‘innermost’.
Bare one testified
Baron is graduating
Bars of jail scare me
This is a witch hunt
Let me be the president
I will pardon me
Marge is in good company with regard to her allergy to our tribe. We wouldn't want her anyway: she lacks not only a worn library card but probably also family heirloom recipes for chicken soup and brisket.
I think she shames EVERY tribe, including her own! I’m neither Jewish nor Jew-ish, but I find her shameful. A worm definitely ate her brain, but then, I heard, regurgitated.
According to today's news, the worm then crawled into R. Kennedy Jr.'s brain and died there."Splains everything.
Yup! Busy little parasite!
Executing Merchen
On my first official day
Preferably on Fifth Avenue
I like this, but what sad thought….
Most of his thoughts that are coherent are sad (or evil) and the rest are unintelligible.
In court's sharp spotlight,
Trump weaves through legal tempest—
Storm's eye whispers truths.
I am over 80 years old and I have never met a Jew named Jesus. Every Jesus I have met has been Latino. MTG can relax because Jesus was not a Jew he was Mexican.
Love it! 😄