This piece really resonated with me. I had a similar experience the year before my GCSEs when my Art teacher did not like the way I had responded to the class exercise and held my work up to the class as an example of how not to do it. I was crushed. Instead of really looking at what I had done she stuck rigidly to the terms of the lesson and was cold in her approach. Up until then Art had been my favourite subject and I had intended going to Art school. After that I just felt so disillusioned and hurt. When it was time for GCSE options & Art clashed with French I allowed people to persuade me to drop Art for French. My belief in my self and passion for the subject had gone. And it didn't come back until I was in my 40s! I try not to be bitter about that teacher (although even as I write this I can feel myself getting angry). I know I need to be calm and breathe, I'm an artist now. Passion and purpose have a way of finding their way back to us thank goodness. This was a great read. Thank you for sharing.
I had a somewhat similar experience with art. When i was 20 and had just started my BA period, i used to go to a private art class. I thought she was as good an art teacher as she was a Tai Chi instructor. But i was wrong (she was a control freak and SHE HERSELF had to finish my every drawing). That's why i neither took any more classes with her, nor took up art again for some years. About seven years ago, i found another art teacher whose style was different and more welcoming. My recent paintings are much more beautiful than my drawings (see my Notes).
There are moments in our lives where we can take away multiple lessons. Sometimes if something shocks us we should ask if perhaps there's some new take away that we can glean, especially if it's art. I'm sorry that your teacher didn't get your feelings but I can imagine a world where he's trying to get you to consider new ways to make art to break you out of a rut.
You said yourself
"I kept trying to improve my paintings, I just wasn’t getting it right."
One thing I've seen is that seeing art in a new light is crucial to improving. Perhaps seeing your art as different pieces to be arranged into a new whole would be good. Or perhaps you had a hard time letting go of parts of your art that were holding you back and he thought that if you saw that your art could be transformed into some new outlet that it might inspire you.
Or he could just be a jerk. But even if he was perhaps you can figure out how you would do it better and do that in your own work. Sometimes constraints give us the chance to show our creativity.
This piece has stuck with me from when you wrote about this last year, so thank you for linking to it in your more recent post and I re-read it :)
Your experience with your art teacher reminded me of something that happened to me too. Up until Year 9, I loved my art lessons but then a combination of things led me to swear-off art (which is ridiculous).
My teacher at the time was often absent, and the cover teachers weren't really trained to teach us, so we were usually left to do whatever we wanted (which, to a 13-year old, meant chatting with my friends and dossing around). And then when the art teacher was there, he was absent in lessons themselves, and didn't seem to really care that much about doing much with us. Then we all found out that he was going through a divorce, and living in a van. He was clearly having a tough time (how on earth I got this information, I am not sure!). Anyway, towards the end of the academic year, he took in all of the group's sketchbooks to mark. Some time later and when he hadn't returned the sketchbooks, some of us asked where they were. He said that had lost them all, but he didn't elaborate or even apologise! I think he believed that by not mentioning them again, we would somehow forget about them. I was devastated, and changed my GCSE option from art to textiles.
(I did enjoy studying textiles, but the reason for the change has stuck with me).
Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way” advocates looking through your creative past, owning up these moments of horrible, unwarranted or over reactionary criticism of your art, and using the memory as a tool to keep moving forward in your present creativity. It’s a powerful idea and has helped me remember not only the classic evil art teacher memories, but even some that cut closer to the bone- moments of criticism from people that otherwise supported my creativity, that caused me to completely closed off channels of exploration, that I am now choosing to revisit.
One of so many ways others try to make the people they interact with into their pre-defined boxes, judging... emotionally injuring and maiming souls) ... making a negative impact (anxiety and doubt about your art in your case) , not helping in easing doubts and pains, in other words failing to help others, so that we all learn together...Sad, but that is the challenge for us all. “To be or not to be, that is the question.”
I know that there is a lot going on here and your teacher’s response is just one of them but I’m a media teacher and part of my job is to assess heart filled personal pieces of work to a rubric. It’s crazy. I often justify it by thinking of the skills we’re trying to help students develop but there is a lot of frustration from them (and me) about what the purpose of the project is. Thanks for this beautiful piece of writing.
I was moving. Things to the trashca were the task at hand. The mover saw a hand reaching up I did with pastels on a big canvas.. she lifted up and said, with popping eyes ... what is this? Equally ignorant, damaged person, who could not appreciate what is the intrinsic value of an art form.. . maybe if I had placed a body and face attached to the arm or had, she could have recognized the “art”? The remark was offensive and I couldn’t react with ire or anything resembling enlightening to her. She wouldn’t understand.
Wow. Beautiful expression of so many different emotions and experiences. I relate to this and have struggled in similar ways and unsure of what to make of myself as an artist who is just trying to be me and not what the rest of the creative world thinks I should be. Proud of you and thank you sharing this!
As a teacher--not art, though--I find this sobering and horrifying. And also as a person who has periodically wondered if they matter and if people get their art. I'm not at all surprised that this has haunted you for so long. I'm sorry (sympathetic). Thank you for sharing.
This piece really resonated with me. I had a similar experience the year before my GCSEs when my Art teacher did not like the way I had responded to the class exercise and held my work up to the class as an example of how not to do it. I was crushed. Instead of really looking at what I had done she stuck rigidly to the terms of the lesson and was cold in her approach. Up until then Art had been my favourite subject and I had intended going to Art school. After that I just felt so disillusioned and hurt. When it was time for GCSE options & Art clashed with French I allowed people to persuade me to drop Art for French. My belief in my self and passion for the subject had gone. And it didn't come back until I was in my 40s! I try not to be bitter about that teacher (although even as I write this I can feel myself getting angry). I know I need to be calm and breathe, I'm an artist now. Passion and purpose have a way of finding their way back to us thank goodness. This was a great read. Thank you for sharing.
I had a somewhat similar experience with art. When i was 20 and had just started my BA period, i used to go to a private art class. I thought she was as good an art teacher as she was a Tai Chi instructor. But i was wrong (she was a control freak and SHE HERSELF had to finish my every drawing). That's why i neither took any more classes with her, nor took up art again for some years. About seven years ago, i found another art teacher whose style was different and more welcoming. My recent paintings are much more beautiful than my drawings (see my Notes).
There are moments in our lives where we can take away multiple lessons. Sometimes if something shocks us we should ask if perhaps there's some new take away that we can glean, especially if it's art. I'm sorry that your teacher didn't get your feelings but I can imagine a world where he's trying to get you to consider new ways to make art to break you out of a rut.
You said yourself
"I kept trying to improve my paintings, I just wasn’t getting it right."
One thing I've seen is that seeing art in a new light is crucial to improving. Perhaps seeing your art as different pieces to be arranged into a new whole would be good. Or perhaps you had a hard time letting go of parts of your art that were holding you back and he thought that if you saw that your art could be transformed into some new outlet that it might inspire you.
Or he could just be a jerk. But even if he was perhaps you can figure out how you would do it better and do that in your own work. Sometimes constraints give us the chance to show our creativity.
This piece has stuck with me from when you wrote about this last year, so thank you for linking to it in your more recent post and I re-read it :)
Your experience with your art teacher reminded me of something that happened to me too. Up until Year 9, I loved my art lessons but then a combination of things led me to swear-off art (which is ridiculous).
My teacher at the time was often absent, and the cover teachers weren't really trained to teach us, so we were usually left to do whatever we wanted (which, to a 13-year old, meant chatting with my friends and dossing around). And then when the art teacher was there, he was absent in lessons themselves, and didn't seem to really care that much about doing much with us. Then we all found out that he was going through a divorce, and living in a van. He was clearly having a tough time (how on earth I got this information, I am not sure!). Anyway, towards the end of the academic year, he took in all of the group's sketchbooks to mark. Some time later and when he hadn't returned the sketchbooks, some of us asked where they were. He said that had lost them all, but he didn't elaborate or even apologise! I think he believed that by not mentioning them again, we would somehow forget about them. I was devastated, and changed my GCSE option from art to textiles.
(I did enjoy studying textiles, but the reason for the change has stuck with me).
One of mine did that too. I’ve never forgotten nor forgiven, there was no need and it didn’t help my grade at all.
Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way” advocates looking through your creative past, owning up these moments of horrible, unwarranted or over reactionary criticism of your art, and using the memory as a tool to keep moving forward in your present creativity. It’s a powerful idea and has helped me remember not only the classic evil art teacher memories, but even some that cut closer to the bone- moments of criticism from people that otherwise supported my creativity, that caused me to completely closed off channels of exploration, that I am now choosing to revisit.
One of so many ways others try to make the people they interact with into their pre-defined boxes, judging... emotionally injuring and maiming souls) ... making a negative impact (anxiety and doubt about your art in your case) , not helping in easing doubts and pains, in other words failing to help others, so that we all learn together...Sad, but that is the challenge for us all. “To be or not to be, that is the question.”
This made me late for a meeting. A*
Great, needed this today
I know that there is a lot going on here and your teacher’s response is just one of them but I’m a media teacher and part of my job is to assess heart filled personal pieces of work to a rubric. It’s crazy. I often justify it by thinking of the skills we’re trying to help students develop but there is a lot of frustration from them (and me) about what the purpose of the project is. Thanks for this beautiful piece of writing.
Wow that was powerful and moving
I was moving. Things to the trashca were the task at hand. The mover saw a hand reaching up I did with pastels on a big canvas.. she lifted up and said, with popping eyes ... what is this? Equally ignorant, damaged person, who could not appreciate what is the intrinsic value of an art form.. . maybe if I had placed a body and face attached to the arm or had, she could have recognized the “art”? The remark was offensive and I couldn’t react with ire or anything resembling enlightening to her. She wouldn’t understand.
Wow. Beautiful expression of so many different emotions and experiences. I relate to this and have struggled in similar ways and unsure of what to make of myself as an artist who is just trying to be me and not what the rest of the creative world thinks I should be. Proud of you and thank you sharing this!
As a teacher--not art, though--I find this sobering and horrifying. And also as a person who has periodically wondered if they matter and if people get their art. I'm not at all surprised that this has haunted you for so long. I'm sorry (sympathetic). Thank you for sharing.