Welcome to the Good Boy Club » Part I
The long, weird, and violent history of leashing desire: From castration to chastity belts to eating Graham Crackers.
If you’re new here, you’d be forgiven for thinking this newsletter is about the ups and downs of living with domestic animals; but it’s as much about cohabitating with the human kind.
Stay tuned to see how the attempt to control sexual behavior winds through cultural history, from animal/human castration to purity rings to the recent Alabama Supreme Court ruling on IVF.
Part 1 » To Snip or Not to Snip, That is the Question
“Welcome to the good boy club.” That's what another whippet caretaker told us following Bowie's castration last week. I laughed, then I was bowled over with guilt. Did I just nix the eggs from my dog’s breakfast burrito so he’d be a good boy? Perish the thought! But also, kind of.
But this framing is wrong. Bowie wasn’t a bad boy. He was doing what dogs do. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I’m the bad boy, forcing Bowie to be a dog on my terms, in bustling Berlin, amongst thousands of uncastrated males, all pissing on each other's territory all day long. He was constantly stressed, like a soldier having to go behind enemy lines every time he had to take a piss.
And don't get me started on females in heat—that’s enough to scramble a thousand breakfast burritos. During those periods, Bowie couldn’t eat, focus, or hear a word I said. I guess, like any teenage boy with a pee fetish ( and at least one—allegedly—former U.S. President ), he was obsessed with female urine, his mouth trembling after lapping it up like it was uncut Columbian dog-nip. And if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, there were the frequent nose-dives into every female's business—not even a perfunctory butt sniff to set the mood.
But worst of all were the vicious attacks by aggressive city dogs, many of which especially hate whippets. There seems to be something about the whippet’s shape and body language, their break-neck speed, and their smell—or lack thereof1—that irks certain males. Only a few weeks before, Bowie was bitten in the face by an off-leash sheep dog—yet another attack that’s contributed to his fear-based reactivity. Now we have to convince him that not every dog is out to get him. Ah, the joys of parenting. ( Story continues below dog bite photo. )
So what did we do?
We consulted TikTok, ChatGPT, Instagram, you name it—we went straight to the top. When that failed, we asked the advice of the whippet community and our wonderful vet. But mainly we worried. We debated. We agonized over existential questions.
What if he doesn't wake up from the anesthesia?
What if his personality changes?
Are we robbing him of his life force, his mojo?
Will he still be able to sing operatic tenor?
The way I'm painting it, castration might have seemed a no-brainer. But deciding to put your own flesh and blood under the knife was a grueling decision, one we kept pushing into the future. Like my stepfather used to say with his charming, Texas drawl:
Don't put off 'till tomorrow what you can put off for good.
So what did we do?
We kicked the can down the road, of course. That is, we drugged him. Chemical castration, A.K.A. the “Chip.” All the emasculation, and half the guilt. At least that would have made for an honest tagline. The way it works is this: the vet injects an implant under the dog's skin, and over six months, it releases a steady stream of Deslorelin, a hormone agonist that reduces sex hormone production.
And wouldn't you know it, a lot of stuff got better: no more urine licking, no more crotch dives. Best of all, he became a darling of the opera. In fact, his rendition of Che gelida manina in La Bohème was so moving, we chipped him a second time. Such is life for a dog in the city. At least he still had his balls. For now . . .
Read Welcome to the Good Boy Club » Part II to:
Follow the castration drama, featuring Bowie stoned on medication with a severe case of the munchies
Experience a Hollywood-thriller-style documentary detailing Bowie’s castration journey
Hear what a hallucinating whippet sounds like ( Warning: it’s heartbreaking )
Gain insights into US vs. EU perspectives on spaying/neutering, with a special appearance by Bob Barker from The Price is Right.
Part III will delve into:
The long cultural, religious, and medical history surrounding castration.
The stigma associated with "emasculation."
Testosterone supplementation & IVF
And more . . .
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Fun fact: having short, fine coats, whippets have less sebaceous glands than other breeds and are nearly odorless—they definitely still need an occasional bath, however.
Please leave a comment if you have anything to add, harbor any disagreements, find factual errors, or want to share your story.
Who could bite a face like that!?!?? Poor Bowie.
My Buster didn't like going for walks, either. Once, we (Buster, his three-pound chihuahua big sister, and me) were "attacked" by a pit bull, which was terrifying! I use the quotations because I don't think the other dog intended any harm. The encounter was very chaotic and resulted in Buster getting nipped on the rear end. If the other dog had meant harm... Let's just say I'm glad he didn't and leave it at that.
I hope that story doesn't invite negative comments about pit bulls. My current baby dog is a pit-mix rescue and as sweet as can be. His big sister is a six-pound Chiweenie, and he defers to her 99% of the time. Occasionally, he'll curl his lip and snap at the air before tucking his tail and running away from her.