One of my desert island recommendations would be engaging in a long con, particularly at the expense of young children. Future therapists, start billing me now!
Since Theo could understand, we’ve told him that on April 1 everyone in America gets measured. We stand him and his brother up against the doorway and mark their growth year to year. The jig will soon be up—he’s in kindergarten now and I’m just hoping we make it til circa 3rd grade, when he offhandedly mentions Measuring Day to his chums and they are like bruh, no.
My dehoaxing occurred at a party in college. The host was keeping it classy and had laid out some snacks, including strawberries. I casually turned to my friends and where they were putting with their strawberry hats (i.e. the green stems). For 22 years I thought this was their Christian name. This misnomer was an honest-to-goddess name in my house, April Fool’s Day aside. Members of my family (me included) still call them strawberry hats?!
Betwixt your cons, might I recommend:
Mantel Pieces: A collection of Hilary Mantel’s writing from The London Review of Books. None take more than 20 minutes to read, and you feel like a shimmering genius by proxy. It includes barnburner “Royal Bodies,” never more relevant.
The brilliant Alicia Kenworthy wrote this beautiful, prize-winning review of Love in the Time of Incarceration. This is the kind of thing a writer dreams about reading re their work.
“When the National Guard stops me to search my bag on the nyc subway”: There is nothing more intoxicating than someone being completely themselves.
Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore: If you are a single mom/were raised by a single mom and/or fetishize ur-Actors Studio people, this is your love letter. Literally cannot believe this is a Scorsese movie. Please, stop with the turgid zillion-hour man movies and return to WOMEN, sir!!!
The Writing Retreat by Julia Bartz: Loved every second of this pulpy page turner, replete with an Elena Ferrante-esque reclusive novelist character
RuPaul on Fresh Air: Your reminder to not take life so effing seriously. The Tonya Mosely glow-up continues!!!!
Problemista and My Favorite Shapes by Julio Torres: A beautiful mind, indeed.
Lund Skittle bottle: I stopped a woman at the gym to extract the deets on this water bottle, which is truly an objet d’art. Now I am the implored, and it feels great
Sounds Like a Cult: The Cult of Cruise Ships: Unforgettable, this one
The Girls on the Bus: OBSESSED with this show!!!!! Perfect tone and tenor, Amy Chozick, Gen X hero
Joan Jonas at MOMA: True or False: I purchased the Rachel Comey collab exhibit shirt? But I also saw the exhibit, ok???
Niecy Nash and Jessica Betts on Death, Sex, and Money: How do I make NN the voice of google maps?
The Nest: Could watch Carrie Coon be imperious in any era, the Reagan administration included
How To Be Old by Lyn Slater: Sublime before bed reading—gentle, inspiring, pleasantly infiltrates your dreamscape.
Whom are you hoaxing today??? There’s still time!!!