On my wedding day a few decades ago, I fondly recall my uncle, Fr. Joseph Stobba, OSA, an Augustinian Priest, sharing a meaningful message during his homily. He referenced an interview by ABC's Barbara Walters with Ronald and Nancy Reagan, discussing what contributes to a lasting marriage. Nancy remarked that the common belief of relationships needing to be 50/50 isn't always accurate; sometimes, it's more about one partner giving 90%. She emphasized the importance of being willing to make that 90% contribution—something that should come from the heart.
Through years of conversations with CMCS men, a recurring theme emerges about the key to a lasting marriage: prioritizing forgiveness over seeking apologies. Additionally, when we, as men, do guy things and our wives express their frustration, we should listen quietly and accept it, as we likely deserve their critique.
“A good man is not a perfect man; a good man is an honest man, faithful and unhesitatingly responsive to the voice of God in his life.”
― John Fisher
The Bible does not instruct us to love ourselves; instead, it emphasizes the importance of loving God. Understanding that we are created in God's image is a natural outcome of this love. Ephesians Chapter 5 outlines your responsibilities as a man and leader. Here are five essential tips that I believe will help foster love in your relationships and enhance your spiritual leadership at home:
Tip #1: HUSBANDS – Your wife longs for love and connection. It's critical for her to feel cherished, appreciated, and significant. To meet this need, make sure your love and affection genuinely resonate with her heart. If you don’t fulfill this, someone or something else will.
Tip #2: WIVES – Your husband craves respect. He relies on YOU to honor him as a leader and acknowledge his role as a man. As the saying goes ' Anything with two heads is a monster.'
Tip #3: PROVISION – As a man, taking charge of your financial stability is not just a duty when possible; it reflects the love you have for your wife, as highlighted in 1 Timothy 5:8. Embracing the value of work is indeed a gift. Unfortunately, societal pressures surrounding retirement and reliance on government support have adversely affected our culture. This influence has led many to view work merely as a means to an end, focusing on retirement instead of using those later years to serve God more effectively, or to seek effortless ways to make a living until retirement comes.
Tip #4: PARTNERSHIP – Marriage is a commitment to being gifts to one another; it's not about ownership but about what belongs to both of you. This extends to your finances as well. Remember Matthew 12:25: “But he knew what they were thinking and said to them, ‘Every kingdom divided against itself will be laid waste, and no town or house divided against itself will stand.’
Tip #5: TRUTH – Build your relationships on the foundation of God’s Word, the Catechism, the Ten Commandments, and Sunday Mass, rather than on fleeting feelings. God's transformative power can reshape your life and home when you remain steadfast in prayer. True love and effective leadership are forged in the daily challenges and struggles we face. The romantic ideals and candlelit dinners that our culture promotes as love are merely the fruits of dedication, open communication, conflict resolution, sacrifice, and a heartfelt reliance on Jesus Christ.
To sum it up, in living out our wedding vows of rich or poor, in sickness and in health, until death, consider 5 ways to Be a sincere gift to your spouse.
CCC 1660 The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love, has been founded and endowed with its own special laws by the Creator. By its very nature it is ordered to the good of the couple, as well as to the generation and education of children. Christ the Lord raised marriage between the baptized to the dignity of a sacrament (cf. CIC, can. 1055 § 1; cf. GS 48 § 1).
