How to Make Mom Friends

Did you know it would be this hard?

Motherhood is a beautiful journey, but it can be so hard and lonely without close mom friends who really get you. Mom friends offer support and provide a sense of community that can make motherhood feel a lot less lonely. I thought I knew who my friends were when I became a mom in my mid thirties. And I did know who some of them were, but things changed after I became a mom.

I went into motherhood so blindly, but that’s all of us, isn’t it? It's never been hard for me to stay in touch with my close friends, but until recently, most of them didn't live nearby. My best friends are 45 minutes to a plane ride away. And I love them dearly, but day-to-day life with kids can be really lonely without friends.

Moving to the suburbs without my closest friends nearby, I felt like I hit reset on my life. Juggling work, nap time, and everything else felt almost impossible, and I didn’t have anyone close by to share it with.

I grew up on the west coast and moved to the midwest in my late 20s. Starting over in a new city came with its challenges, but I was young and flexible. It wasn't that hard to make and grow new friendships living downtown in my 20s and 30s. Then I got married, had a baby, and moved to the suburbs. I really struggled as a first time mom, as many first-time moms do. Phone calls with my close friends who didn't live nearby were better than nothing, but I craved in-person connection.

I thought I had found my people, and then everything changed when the pandemic hit and my daughter was diagnosed with cancer. I couldn’t connect for over two years, and relationships were strained. I was so stressed out and some of my friends didn’t know what to do with that. So the three closest friendships I had in my old town all fell apart. I really tried, but wasn’t the version of myself they signed up for for a long time, and they were out.

It was really hard, and really painful. I’ve made my peace with it, but I’ll be honest and tell you that it took a lot of time and therapy to get there.

We ended up moving to a new town right after she finished treatment, and I found myself once again somewhere new without any close friends nearby. Staying in touch is something I am pretty good at, and I'm lucky that my friends are good about that, too. It's so wonderful having them in my life, but having friends you can connect with in-person is so important.

If you're feeling stuck, the good news is that your circle of friends can expand faster than you might think. It just takes meeting a few great moms that you connect with, and once you find your people it’s truly life-changing. I want to share my real life experience growing my circle of friends in the suburbs.

For me, the thing that was missing were those friends that just stop by, or that you meet out for a walk or coffee. They are the friends that have made our new town really feel like home. The quick get together when there’s nothing to do on a lazy weekend. The friend who just comes over to sit on the couch while your friends play, or getting together to parent together at dinner time while the kids run around. It’s really the best.

Here are some of the ways I met my closest friends, and the impact they’ve had on my life.

Social Media

It should not come as a surprise that I've utilized social media to make new mom friends. One of my friends followed me on IG and messaged about something. We messaged for a while, and I suggested that we get together. She’s now one of my closest friends, and has given me the experience of having someone nearby who just drops by, or I can just walk in her door and feel at home. It’s the best. Our kids also adore each other, so it’s really easy getting together.

Join a Mom Group or Attend an Event

Most towns have mom groups that you can join to meet local moms. I would do a google search to find one in your area. I was invited to an event by someone I met on social who is now a good friend, and connected with another friend that way. She has also become a good friend, and our kids play so well together. She’s actually coming by with her girls this afternoon. I love that we can get together for coffee, or do something with the kids.

Friends of Friends

I love connecting people. Last summer, I invited a group I had met last year over, and included a newer friend that I really liked, that I thought would get along with everyone. We have since all started a monthly “book club” without books, and get together. Consider doing the same, and get a group of a few women who don’t know each other together.

Take a Class

Check out your local library, community center, and local parks for events like story time, mommy-and-me classes, and parenting workshops. Look for mommy and me classes to meet moms with kids in a similar stage. Music classes, baby yoga, swimming lessons, and other activities designed for young children often attract other moms looking to socialize.

I signed up for a pickle ball class and it was there that I met my friend Sarah. We instantly connected - she was such a special person. Everyone that met her felt that way about her. You just wanted to be her friend. I was so lucky that she wanted to be my friend, too. She gave me so much hope, and gave me the gift of connecting me with some of her friends, who I've since become friends with.

Visit Local Playgrounds and Parks

Spend time at local playgrounds and parks, especially during peak times when other families are likely to be there. Start conversations with other parents while your children play together. Two of my good friends met this way.

Sign Up for Preschool or Daycare

Play dates with other kids from school or daycare can be a great way to step outside your comfort zone and connect with other moms. Whenever one of my kids mentions a friend they really like at school, I will find that child's mom's phone number and ask for a playdate. You won't connect with everyone, but it's a great place to start and expand your social circles. And it's so nice when you get along with your children's friends' parents. We are actually getting together with one of my oldest daughter’s preschool friends tomorrow. I love her mom, and it’s so nice that we’re in similar stages of parenthood.

Here are some tips for making new mom friends.

Start a Conversation

Put yourself out there and say hi. Our kids are our common ground, so start there. Comment on something you might notice that you share in common. I was waiting outside a class for my girls just today and started talking to another mom about her kids ages. It might feel scary to start talking to a complete stranger, but kids are the ultimate icebreaker. Be open and share a bit about your own parenting journey. This can make you more relatable and encourage others to want to share their stories with you.

Exchange Numbers

If you talk for a while, or run into the same mom a few times, suggest getting together. If you’ve had a good conversation, suggest exchanging phone numbers to stay in touch. Invite your new friend for a playdate at a park, your home, or a child-friendly venue. This can help your new friendship grow.

Reach Out

The follow-up is the hardest part. But send a text and ask your potential friend if she'd like to get together with or without the kids.

Growing and Keeping Friendships

Once you've connected with a mom you're interested in growing a friendship with, stay in touch. I don't mean for this to sound easier than it is. For more than a year in our new suburb, I felt like I was really struggling to get to this step and really only had a connection with one person. It felt like I was the one carrying communication with most people I met, and that felt really discouraging.

Check in

Send texts, emails, or messages on social media to check in and maintain the connection. Share updates, funny stories, or parenting tips.

Schedule Get Togethers

Set up recurring playdates, coffee dates, or group outings to ensure you see each other regularly. Once you've gotten together a few times, plan a double date night with your partners. My husband really hit it off with my friend's husband, and we've gotten our families together a few times. Consistent interactions help deepen friendships.

Create a Mom Group

Connecting other people is one of my favorite things to do and chances are that you'll like your friend's friend. Form a small group of mom friends who can meet regularly for social activities, support, and fun. Having a group dynamic can add variety and strengthen bonds, too.

Be a Good Friend

Good friends check in and show up. Remember big dates, milestones, and achievements. I met a new friend who was going through cancer treatment and put her treatment dates in my calendar so I could check in. Encourage honesty and authenticity – I loathe small talk but love nothing more than a 2-3 hour lunch where we talk about everything. Practice empathy and understanding. Try to see things from your friends’ perspectives and offer support.

Remember that it takes time to find someone you're meant to be good friends with. You're not going to connect with everyone, but that's ok. You wouldn't want to be friends with every single person you met – it would be impossible to keep up. It's about having a couple great friends you can really connect with, or it is for me. I love the women I've met locally, and of course, my old friends who aren't nearby, too. But it's so nice and so important to have friends in town, and I've noticed that this place feels a lot more like home the last few months because of it.

Finding, making, and keeping new mom friends can be really hard. I know all too well what it's like to be in my late 30s and 40s, in a new town with kids, uncertain of who my people are. By using online resources, participating in local activities, and being open to new connections, you can build a strong network of mom friends that live near you. Nurturing these friendships through regular communication, support, and shared experiences will create bonds that will make your motherhood journey a lot more enjoyable and less lonely.