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A drawing of Tahupotiki Wiremu Rātana superimposed on an amber background with a New Zealand birth certificate and pictures of soldiers at the bottom.
Image: Liam Rātana

SocietyAugust 29, 2024

Reclaiming identity: The power in changing your name

A drawing of Tahupotiki Wiremu Rātana superimposed on an amber background with a New Zealand birth certificate and pictures of soldiers at the bottom.
Image: Liam Rātana

Names are more than identifiers; they are complex links to heritage and identity.

There is a lot behind a name. Most of the time, the first thing we tell someone when we meet them is our name. It lets them know where we come from, what our background is and our whakapapa. Names can be used to immediately draw connections and link us to others. In te ao Māori, our whakapapa, the names of our ancestors, link us to the atua, our whenua, and our tribes.

Sometimes, people change their names. There are many reasons for this. For some, it can be simply because they like another name better. For others, it can be because of a marriage or divorce, a gender transition, a cultural or religious reason, to avoid confusion, or even professional reasons. Sometimes, it can be to avoid a negative past or reflect a new family dynamic, such as an adoption, or to honour a loved one.

Take for example Dominic Sinthupan, who is profiled in the new season of Takeout Kids. Dom’s mother legally changed his surname from his father’s to hers after being constantly asked to do so by the 13-year-old. While Dom’s reasoning for the name change was to have a surname that is easier to pronounce, it appears there is also a desire to no longer have the surname of his father, who was not a major part of Dom’s life growing up.

Legally, my name is Liam Ratana. I only started using a macron about five years ago, after meeting Donn Rātana, senior lecturer at the University of Waikato. Donn insisted I use a macron on the first a in his surname, which led to me doing some research and realising I should have been using a macron the whole time. Now, I want to change my surname entirely. Rātana isn’t my original whānau name. My paternal grandfather, Eruera Hapakuku, had attempted to enlist in the 28th Māori Battalion but was turned away due to being under age. Still keen to head to war and fight alongside his whānau, granddad later returned and enlisted under a different identity, Edward Rātana. His grandfather had earned the nickname Rātana due to being a staunch member of the Rātana Church, so he adopted that as his surname and it stuck.

Having the surname Rātana has led to me often being asked if I come from Taranaki or Manawatū-Whanganui, where Rātana Pā is. I always respond by telling people that I’m from the Far North and am not related to the founder of the Rātana Church, Tahupōtiki Wiremu Rātana. If I can be bothered, I will go on to explain the story of how my whānau came to have the name. While it’s a cool story to share and makes me proud of my great-great-grandfather’s commitment to the church and my grandfather’s bravery in joining the battalion, it can become a bit tiring at times. Besides, my actual surname has a lot of mana and some pretty powerful kōrero behind it too.

I remember attending a wānanga in 2005 at Te Hiku O Te Ika Marae in Te Hāpua, hosted by Ngāti Kurī. My father had begun researching our whakapapa and didn’t have much to go on, besides our original family name. One night, Dad stood up in the whare and asked if anyone knew about the name Hapakuku. An old lady at the back of the whare suddenly raised up and let out a surprised exclamation: ”Ooooh! That’s an old name, boy. I can’t tell you about it but I know someone that can,” she said.

That someone was Ross Gregory, a renowned kaumatua of Te Hiku o Te Ika and schooled by his elders in the teachings of Te Aupouri and Te Rarawa. It was through my father’s conversations with Ross that we learnt about the vast history associated with the name Hapakuku. It led to Dad learning more about our whakapapa and eventually lodging a claim with the Waitangi Tribunal alongside my uncle Mike Wikitera, seeking official acknowledgment of the mana of our people. If it wasn’t for knowing the Hapakuku name, we might not have ever rediscovered our whakapapa and our identity.

In his later years and as a result of his research into our whakapapa, my father began referring to himself as Hohepa Hapakuku. He would sometimes bring up the fact that he wished I had a Māori name, instead of the Pākehā one bestowed upon me by my mother. Dad wasn’t sure why she chose Liam but he thought it was purely because she liked the sound of it.

One of my cousins has legally reclaimed the Hapakuku surname and inspired me to follow in their lead. My son has Hapakuku as part of his surname and a Māori first name that describes his birth journey, as well as a middle name that honours his adoptive grandfather. For me, using the Hapakuku name is about reclaiming our identity, connecting us to our wider whānau and being proud of our rich whakapapa.

While I can be proud of my surname, despite it not being my original family name, some people are born with names that can serve as unwanted reminders of a hurtful past. Indigenous people around the world, even here in Aotearoa, have been given colonial names that their parents thought would make their lives easier. There are many examples of people with indigenous names struggling to get job interviews, their names being embarrassingly mispronounced, or being bastardised. While it was a consideration when naming my son, his mother and I decided that our boy deserved a name reflective of his cultural heritage and story, despite the perceived difficulties that come with having an indigenous name.

In Aotearoa, changing your or your child’s name is straightforward. Children under 18 need guardian consent, while those 18 or older can apply independently. The process involves completing a form, providing certified ID, signing a statutory declaration, and paying $170. Applications can be submitted by post or in person, and a new birth certificate can be ordered after the name change. For some, it’s a small price to pay.

The second season of Takeout Kids is out now, with new episodes released every Tuesday. Watch them all here. Takeout Kids is made with the support of NZ On Air.

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Anne Bancroft was 35 when she played Mrs Robinson in The Graduate. Dustin Hoffman was 29. (Image: Tina Tiller)
Anne Bancroft was 35 when she played Mrs Robinson in The Graduate. Dustin Hoffman was 29. (Image: Tina Tiller)

SocietyAugust 29, 2024

Help Me Hera: Am I too old for the apps?

Anne Bancroft was 35 when she played Mrs Robinson in The Graduate. Dustin Hoffman was 29. (Image: Tina Tiller)
Anne Bancroft was 35 when she played Mrs Robinson in The Graduate. Dustin Hoffman was 29. (Image: Tina Tiller)

Should I trust my Gen Z daughters’ dating advice, or stick with what I know?

Help Me Hera is brought to you by Bumble, the women-first dating app that started a movement by putting women in charge when dating.

Want Hera’s help? Email your problem to helpme@thespinoff.co.nz


Hello,

Last year I separated from my ex-husband. Our separation was a long time coming, and we have two gorgeous daughters, both of whom are now at university. For the first year after the split I wasn’t interested in dating. I’ve joined a long-distance cycling club, and have been busy reconnecting with friends and family from around the world. I’m planning a trip to the UK to meet an old pen pal from Brighton next year, and I’ve even taken up beekeeping in my small inner-city backyard.

My life feels full and rich. But recently I’ve been thinking about trying to dip my feet back into the dating pool. I’m not looking to get married or start cohabiting again – I enjoy my independence too much and am not looking to be anyone’s caretaker. But it would be nice to meet a few new people, either for friendship or romance. My daughters have encouraged me to sign up for the dating apps, but I’m in my 50s now, and I’m worried their advice won’t translate well to someone my age. Are my daughters right, or should I stick to the classifieds? 

Thanks,

(Maybe) Looking for Love

a line of dice with blue dots

Dear Maybe,

Your letter reminded me of an old Norse prayer. What you lose in husbands, may you regain a thousand-fold in bees!

Congratulations on getting your life back! It must feel wild to be newly single and have all this time to yourself after years of raising teenagers. I have to admit that I’m slightly more interested in the beekeeping aspect of your question than the online dating part. How many bees do you keep? I’m fascinated. 

You’ve been living so well I almost don’t dare give you advice. But you’re certainly not too old for the apps! I know people of all ages who have found romance, or at minimum, have had a fascinating sociological experience using them. Besides, I think it’s worth trying almost anything once, in the spirit of adventure. And you strike me as an adventurous person.

When it comes to online dating, I think it’s best to go in with your expectations low and your spirits high. I’m sure there are a depressing amount of recently divorced elderly men, casting around for someone to make them corned beef dinners for the rest of their natural lives, but I’m sure there are also lots of fascinating and eligible bachelors out there. 

I think you should deputise your daughters and get them to help you build a profile. But if that’s a little too Gilmore Girls, here is my admittedly scant advice:

When it comes to which app to use, there are a few to choose from. Most people will be using Hinge, Bumble or Tinder. There are plenty of other alternatives, most of which have dubious names like kiwiconnectionz, but when it comes to online dating it’s best to go where the numbers are. Reliable sources have informed me that although the ages for these apps predictably skew younger, there is a broad demographic of users. Part of building a profile involves selecting your age criteria, so you won’t see an endless parade of 20-somethings, unless of course, you’re into the whole Dustin Hoffman thing. The only notable difference between the apps is that with Bumble, only the woman can initiate conversation, which is great if you’re a proactive sort of person. But there’s nothing stopping you from signing up for all three, and seeing which one yields the best results. 

The most important thing is creating a great profile. Choose a couple of flattering recent pictures that represent you well, and showcase your bees to their best advantage. Make sure you don’t choose group photos, unless your other pictures make it clear which member of the group you are. It often helps to have a second pair of eyes, so my advice is to get your daughters to help you pick! On your profile, be upfront about the kind of relationship you’re looking for, and go maximalist when it comes to listing hobbies and interests. It’s much easier to strike up a conversation with someone if you know you both have a shared interest in calligraphy and the films of Ken Loach. 

Like a good international jewel heist, when it comes to dating apps, the important thing is to get in and out. What you don’t want is to end up having lots of long, meandering conversations that slowly fizzle out. It’s better to try and meet up immediately, and then you can quickly gauge if there’s any potential for a friendship or a romance. It’s also a good way to know you aren’t being catfished. It goes without saying, but there’s the occasional romance scammer out there, so don’t give anyone a cent, even if that person claims to be John Travolta looking for a small loan to see him through until his next Hollywood payday. 

Other than that, the easiest way to see if online dating is for you, is just to dive straight in. Even if you don’t find your perfect match online you’ll probably have an interesting time, and if that isn’t the point of life, I don’t know what is. 

There are as many ways to meet people as there are people in the world. If the apps don’t suit you, and you would prefer to pursue a connection on a local beekeeping forum or a cycling group, there’s no shame in deleting the apps and moving on.

Good luck! I hope you find your wickerman/wickerperson. 

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