📓Field Notes: The Girls Who Don’t Say No pt 2

In many of these cases. I have worked in both AL, Northern California, but mostly El Paso this data is prevalent. It is easier to externalize blame onto the boy than to look at the conditioning that shaped the girl.

I am not talking about assault.

I am not talking about coercion.

I am not talking about force.

Those are real. Those are serious. That is not this conversation. (Taking it back there despite it being named is deflection)

I am talking about the very common, very quiet scenario of two teens (these days adults even) with no communication skills, high developmental insecurity, and a desperate need to belong. The girl does not want to seem dramatic. She does not want to be “that girl.” She does not want to look inexperienced. So what does she do?

So she goes along with it.

Then afterward, the shame needs a villain so it gets displaced on the boy.

Now, Here’s the part no one wants to unpack: (this is crucial data) many of these girls were raised by women who conditioned silence.

“Don’t you dare upset a man.”

“Don’t be rude, smile.”

“You don’t want to lead him on.”

“Be nice.”

“Don’t make a scene.”

That script is passed woman to woman. Then we — the collective act shocked when she can’t say no behind a closed doors??