My mom, Sharon Oster, died in June. When it happened, I desperately wanted to write something to honor her and my memories, but it was impossible. Now I'm feeling ready.

Your question for the week

(Spoiler alert: at the bottom of this essay, you’ll find all the nitty gritty on our family’s actual screen time, bedtimes, chores, dinner rhythms, and more). I was talking to my mom the other day about my job and how it’s evolved (as I’ve evolved) over the years. We talked about how when I was a young mother, I was so very concerned with the tactical tasks of life: meal planning, laundry, housework… and of course, mommy guilt. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten most of those things pretty dialed in. Now I’m focused on bigger picture things (that I didn’t really have time to worry about when my kids were small): how to protect my kids in a world that’s crazy sometimes, how to keep them safe on social media, if I’m getting enough one-on-one time with them to talk about their changing feelings and bodies. Bigger kids = bigger worries, I suppose. But one thing I’ve learned over the years is this: I can’t focus on those bigger picture things when the tactical things aren’t working properly. I just don’t have the space in my brain to worry about all of it.

Reflecting on the good, the bad, and the ugly of 2023.

We need to act now.

Friday is for Friday Night Chats!

I tried putting this all into one post, but Substack said it was too long to publish. So, I split the post into two parts (before and after), but I will send both posts today. I also want to caveat by saying, aging is beautiful. Some do it gracefully and some fight it. I’m of the fighting variety. I’m about to go into a lot of detail about what was bothering me about my eyes and why I decided to change it. I know I don’t need to justify anything, but because many of you are interested (and I know some of you are considering doing something similar), I wanted to take you through my thought process— why I decided to have the surgery, what procedures I did exactly and how I felt before, during and after. With pics! Here goes…

Every time I see someone on social media talking about what to get tweens and teens for the holidays, they all list the same three things: a pair of Uggs (and yes, Mazzy asked for these too), a Stanley Cup (not the hockey trophy, the kind that keeps your drink cold), and a gift card to Sephora. Lip gloss still reigns supreme in the tween world, I suppose.

Note: in light of current circumstances, our podcast will remain in Substack behind the paywall for the remainder of the year. We are doing this out of an abundance of caution for Katie, who is still discerning how to talk about her life in this season. Limiting the next few episodes to a smaller, private audience is our version of wrapping Katie in bubble wrap.

Twenty new works of art—from us to you!

Help: What do dads like?

Life-changing advice from 2023, part 1

The ACBN returns with a travelogue in food form

The holidays will be here soon enough. The Friday Newsletter says you can relax.

It seems to me, and this is purely anecdotal, that every mom I speak to recently (myself included) has hit a wall.

Don't feel bad if you haven't started shopping yet.

I’ve hit the rage stage of sheltering in. I stomp around the neighborhood, my cheap, old scarf over my nose and mouth like some kind of demented outlaw from Forever 21, and think about how angry I am. I’m, first and foremost, angry that I live in a country that somehow elected such a wildly unfit, flawed human to be president. A man who has no clue about the limits of his own knowledge, and surrounds himself with other men who also appear to be

A couple of quick announcements: At 9am PST/12pm EST TODAY, FRESH, the speakers bureau and training organization that I co-founded is having our annual creative showcase live online. It’s free. It’s euphoric. It includes a live DJ, poetry, rap, talks, the amazing

Don't raise a literal hole-digger

The other night I got back from walking the dog to cool down after my kids complained to me that the blender I was using to make them banana muf…

I’m very angry. I will probably cuss a lot in the newsletter. I’m going to talk about abuse and murder and misogyny and other horrible things. Skip it if you need to.

In this newsletter: A Q&A on affiliate links, including — How much does a link earn? How do people keep track of the clicks and purchases? What if you click the link but then buy the next week? And lots more!

Can they help us solve America's most vicious culture war?

This week's gender lowdown...

The show dares to suggest that sometimes people (well, dogs) on TV don't always get what they want.

For months now, media outlets like the New York Times have been running articles with a similar gist: The economy is great! Why is everyone so bummed about the economy! Every time I read one of these articles, I want to scream, because the idea that the economy is great is not really jibing with the reality in not just my own household, but also the households of many people I know. So yes, this is anecdata, but it led me to wonder: am I the outlier, or are the macroeconomic trends that the

Kids Eat in Color is at it again

Now we’re officially in the *festive period*, I wanted to open up this space for venting/screaming/commiserating/validating and offering support. The holidays are hard for a whole bunch of different reasons, but it can be especially difficult to navigate

Friday 6th October, 3pm UK and Irish time.

Proud to be part of the team that wrote this extended editorial that is available on Springer Link

(And bloody wish I’d known before)

This week: Berets That Don't Make You Look Like an Asshole, Big Knickers & Gifts for Picky Lads

And why I'm finally done looking for approval

The most uninspiring yet necessary post you'll read this week

I'm so glad you're here.

A movie and latkes and a bonus recipe too, from this odd little multi-faith substack!

What research can tell us about tuning in to the Heeler family

Petition to replace all our phones with Giant Jenga games

Share the one book that helped you become a better dad

Defecating on demand into an acceptable receptacle

Substack launch, Battery Powered Light Up Ghosts, + Danish Parenting

Excited for the weekend, but not for Monday......

Me & alcohol go way back... but is it time to reassess things?

The pandemic finally caught me at the worst possible time

Last week marked the end of my syndicated newspaper column, one of the longest-running syndicated columns (of those written continuously by one person) in American newspaper history. Forty-four years. What began as an extension of a directorship I held at the Gastonia, North Carolina, community mental health center turned into a passion, then a mission, then a ministry.

A first-time mother recently told me her eight-month-old is “already demonstrating definite food preferences.” These demonstrations consist of spitting out certain foods when first presented. Pureed creamed spinach, for example. When this eight-month-old indicates that a certain food is not to her liking, the mother stops offering it. For her future reference, she – the mother – is compiling a list of foods her daughter doesn’t like. She tells me this as if to let me know that she is micro-conscientious to detail when it comes to her maternal responsibilities.

Frankfurters, press ups and complex calculations

Why is it there’s very little help when it comes to getting kids OFF our boobs?

Why social media can be so awful sometimes.

When my son was diagnosed with nonspeaking autism a little over 10 years ago, I prayed for a crystal ball. I wanted a glimpse into the future. His future. My future. The questions were endless. The worrying was nonstop. My hope was unwavering. Would he ever talk?